Never Stop
by Maii025
Summary: Ten years after their graduation the former glee clubbers are living their lives still in touch with each other. But Quinn had been missing for four years now and Santana couldn't help her but still missed her so badly. They did share a past together so it made sense, right? - Rated M for coarse language and well, you know, Quinntana stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**Never Stop. Chapter 1.**

It was another typical afternoon of May in New York City. Well, in fact it wasn't just _another tipycal afternoon_, it was Glee Club family meeting and Rachel's huge apartment was full with life, the glee clubbers bouncing around, the music playing and a bunch of kids running and screaming excitedly. They were celebrating that that same day but ten years ago they had won a National Show Choir Championship. It was all Rachel's idea and there they were, couples and kids included, all in the diva's apartment just across Central Park, eating and talking and having a good time together.

Everyone was excited to be there except maybe for Rachel, who was a little over stressed.

"Santana, please look what Matthew is doing, do me the favor" Rachel said to her as soon as Santana stepped into the enormous kitchen begging for a break from all those kids. The petite diva was taking some food out of her big fridge while keeping an eye on the oven and hearing closely to the noises coming from the living room. Despite her friend's request Santana took a seat at the counter and sighed. She had came early to help Rachel and the diva had made her clean, set up the table, do some shopping and look after her little godson all morning. She was already tired and most of her friends wasn't even there yet. Don't misunderstand her, Santana was happy to be there but Rachel had a lot of money, why didn't she just have a maid or something?

"I'm sure he's fine Rach" the Latina said pouring herself a glass of orange juice "I'm exhausted and this thing didn't even start yet".

"I'm sure I just heard him scream" Rachel said looking at her, completely ignoring her comment.

"He did" Rachel looked a little freak out so Santana explained herself "because he keeps playing with Britt's boys like he's not so much smaller than them".

"They're going to kill him one day, I know it".

"They're not. I mean, they're Britt's kids, so that is kind of impossible".

Rachel sighed and checked the pizzas she had on the oven. The bell rang and a minute later Puck entered the kitchen with a bottle of an expensive wine and that ridiculous huge smile of his that always had had the girls falling for him.

"I knew I loved you because of something" Santana said as the man said hello to them. Puck laughed and sat beside her.

"Puck!" a beautiful young blonde run over him and hugged him before he had the chance to see her coming.

"Hey kiddo!" he said happily. Beth was so grown up, all a teenager in fact. Santana looked at her while the girl fighted playfully with her biological father over something. She was like a young Quinn: blonde, pale, with big bright hazel eyes and perfect teeth. But she certainly had her father's actitudes: she loved sports, running, climbing trees, skipping classes (even if she had her mother's intelligence). Shelby had a rough time with her sometimes but deep down she was a good girl so they get along well. They were living one floor above Rachel's so Beth was a constant factor in the diva's life.

"I didn't see you when I got here" Puck said.

"That's because I'm trying to stay out of Tana's way. She gets kind of moody when all the kids are here".

"You're such a smart girl" Santana said with a wink and Beth laughed Quinn's belly laugh. Santana shake the thoughts of the former cheerleader out of her head and smiled "You're so my favourite person in this crappy party".

She didn't really think that the party was crappy but hey, she was Santana after all, she had an image to maintain even if she was so much softer than she used to be during high school.

"Hey!" Rachel said offended and she was going to add something else but a boy's yell followed by a big noise caught her attention. She looked at Santana and the Latina get up of her chair with a groan.

"I'm going, I'm going, Geez woman!"

She didn't make it to the door though because Kurt was coming in with a little brunette boy in his arms. He was five years old, the same age as Britt's twins, but he was pretty small for someone his age, which Santana thought it was obvious because he was Rachel's kid, what were they expecting? Santana smiled pleased when she saw her godson was okay and got back to her seat.

"I think this belong to you" Kurt said putting the boy on the floor and looking at Rachel. The boy was pouting and was avoiding his mom's eyes.

"Matt, sweetheart, what happened?"

"I may have broken your favourite vase" he said in that little voice of his looking at the ground. Santana looked at her friend, amused. She knew Rachel was trying not to kill his own son even if that vase (big, with awful flowers drawn all over it) meant a lot to her. Something about being a gift from God knew whom after her Broadway debut or something like that.

"Boy, you're so screw…" Puck mumbled and Santana fought the urge to laugh. Beth punched her father on the arm and looked at her older kind-of-sister. Rachel inhaled deeply before speaking.

"That's ok, just… stop running, could you? And don't go near the broken vase until I clean it up".

"Aunt Britt is cleaning it up for you" Matt said still not looking at her mum. Rachel nodded.

"Come here" she opened her arms and her son went for a hug.

"I'm sorry mum".

"I know you are babe" Rachel released his son and the kid looked at Beth.

"You wanna play hide and seek with us?"

Beth bit her lower lip nervously.

"Sorry Matt, she's talking with the growns up here" Santana said winking at the blonde. Beth smiled thankfully at her and Matt nodded before he run to the living room to continued playing with his friends (_don't run!_). Rachel sat besides Puck

"I wish he was into singing and not into races" she sighed frustrated.

"I think he heard you sang so many songs while he was in your belly that she just gave that option up" Santana said and Kurt chuckled.

"I hate you. Both of you" the diva pointed.

"No, you don't" Santana stated and got up to go talk to Tina and Mike for a while. The asian couple was waiting their second baby and she had to bother Tina about being as big as an asian car.

...

_Junior Year_

Saying Santana was mad was an understatement. A huge understatement. She was furious, like really furious. Coach Sylvester had put her at the bottom of the cheerleading pyramid because she found out about her surgery (She had said something about loving herself and crap like that, whatever. She loved herself more now, so what was the big deal anyways?). She was going to kill Quinn! Nobody knew about it except from her two blonde friends and she had told Britt that something really bad was going to happen if she told anyone, so it couldn't have been her. That only left Quinn. She should have known better, that was the head bitch of the school they were talking about. Aaaaaaaaaaaag! She was going to kill her.

Santana found Quinn in a hallway, adjusting her new Cheerio's uniform, and run over her.

"You did this to me!" Santana yelled pushing the blonde against the lockers "You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!"

"You have a surgery when you get your appendix out. You got a BOOB job" Quinn replied loudly with malice in her voice. A bunch of people gathered around them but neither of them cared.

"Yup, sure did".

Santana slapped Quinn with all her force. It felt so good she immediately wanted to slap her again but it wasn't going to happen 'cause Quinn surely was defending herself.

"You can't hit me!"

"Oh, sure I can. Unless you got yourself knocked up again" Santana knew she had made a point when she saw Quinn's face and couldn't help but let a comment slipped "Slut".

Maybe she went too far. Quinn slammed her against a locker with fierce force. Somewhere near them she saw Brittany looking at them.

"Stop the violence" the taller blonde pleaded but neither of them was planning on doing that. Qinn was pulling her hair, trying to free herself from Santana, while Santana was trying to slam her again. Bitch. She had just managed to push her to the floor when Mr. Shue came up out of the blue and held Quinn and Santana apart.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! What is this? What happened to being a family?"

Santana smirked.

"Oh, please! She has a family, she's a MOTHER!"

Just for one second Santana was glad Mr. Shue was keeping them apart because Quinn seemed like she was going to kill her. To really kill her.

"Walk away and tighten up your pony before you get to class!" the blonde yelled at her while Santana walked away. She had had enough.

Coach Sylvester found her again that day outside her AP Biology class; Quinn was following their coach, madness and annoyance written all over her face.

"You two, follow me, now" Sue said calmy and it was all Santana need to understand that they were in trouble. Big trouble. She didn't even try to justify herself and just followed the coach without a word trying her best to looked calm. The kids get out of their way quickly trying desperately to keep themselves far away from the coach and the two cheerleaders.

Both girls stopped in their tracks when Sue stand in front of a brown door that was definitely not her office door.

"I'm so tired of the both of you" Sue said calmly "So or you figured out your issues or you are both out of the Cheerios. Did you hear me?"

Both girls nodded.

"I said: DID YOU HEAR ME?"

"Yes couch!"

"Ok" Sue said satisfied "Now come in" and she opened the door.

"What..?!" Santana asked confused.

"Oh no coach, please, we'll talk, I promiss" Quinn begged, her eyes suddenly wide open. Santana looked at her; she herself was furious (with the coach, with Quinn, with everybody that looked at her) but the blonde looked...terrified.

"Don't care. Walk in. Now".

Santana huffed and did as she was told followed by and scared Quinn, and then the door was closed behind them. They heard the sound of the key and then the weak sound of the bell signaling the beginning of the period. Seemed like she was missing Biology that day.

Santana took a second to look around her. It was a janitor's closet; there were some shelves with bottles and stuff in one wall and a lot of buckets and brushes all over the tiny space. It was a crappy place and she wished she had her phone with her but the lights were on so at least they weren't in the dark.

"Thanks a lot Fabray" Santana said pissed of. She made herself as comfortable as she could, with her back against one of the empty walls and crossed her arms over her chest -Thanks a lot.

When Quinn didn't answer she looked at her. Quinn was breathing heavily and was a second away from tears. And then she remembered.

Quinn was a claustrophobic.

"Q.." Santana said tentatively, trying not to scare the already scared girl "Q, are you ok?"

"I'm… get me out of here S" Quinn begged and it kind of broke Santana's heart.

"I can't...- she said quietly".

"I...can't...breath. This place...so small…"

Santana didn't know what to do. She knew Quinn was claustrophobic because Judy had told her one day over dinner (_when she was little she didn't play hide and seek because she was so afraid of little places_) but she had never been with her when she had had an attack, so she was clueless on what to do.

"Hey Quinn, calm down, I'm here with you" she said giving her friend a little smile but Quinn wasn't looking at her. She didn't seem to be breathing either and Santana felt the urgent need to help the blonde "Come on, come here" she said extending her hand for Quinn to grab it. When Quinn took it she pull slightly and Quinn catched the sign, so she taked the two steps to Latina and stand awkwardly in front of her. Santana opened her arms without letting Quinn's hand go and the blonde leaned against her.

"So…" Santana began "You're afraid of tiny closed spaces, right?"

Quinn nodded against her.

"So if you don't get to see that the place is small, you're ok?"

"It's not that simple" Quinn grumbled, shaking a little and doing her best not to start yelling to let her out.

"Can we at least try my idea? It's not like we have so many options here…" Santana protested and when she felt Quinn nodding again she continued "Close your eyes and don't freak out, 'key? I'm here with you".

She reached for the light switcher and turned it off. She knew that Quinn was crying even if the blonde was trying her best not to make a sound, so she started running circles on Quinn's back with her free hand and humming a song.

_This is my love song to you_

_Let every woman know I'm yours_

_So you can fall asleep each night babe_

_And know I'm dreaming of you more_

_You're always hoping that we make it_

_You always wanna keep my gaze_

_Well you're the only one I see_

_And that's the one thing that won't change_

"That's a crappy song" Quinn said before Santana could reach the chorus.

"Well, thank you" Santana said a little pissed of. Quinn chuckled and hold her a little tighter. The Latina inhaled deeply before speaking again. Quinn's hair smelled like vanilla "I'm sorry for always being at your throat. You're so damn annoying sometimes, always trying to be at the top of everything…"

"Well, thank you for the compliment" Quinn interrupted her.

"You didn't let me finish... BUT I prefer it that way. I mean, I prefer it's you who I'm competing with because you always push me a step further, even if you get to my nerves. And because I know that at the end of the day you're still kind of my friend and I still care about you" she finished.

Quinn stayed quiet for a couple of seconds and when Santana felt her breathing calm down she thought that she had done a good job comforting her friend.

"I'm also glad it's you and not anybody else who's at my throat all the time".

They stayed silent for a minute before Santana talked again.

"And I'm sorry I wasn't around when all the baby issue happened. I was such a lousy friend".

"It's ok" Quinn said almost in a whisper "I know you don't know how to deal with emotions and I was just an emotional mess back then. And I wasn't all alone…"

"I know but I should had been there anyways. You can count with me from now on…"

"Thanks S..."

"Now, I will have to kill you if you repeat anything of what I've just said" Santana said suddenly serious -Not personal.

"Yeah, I know, you're a bitch" Quinn stated "Not personal either".

"Damn right I am".

They fell into a comfortable silence before Santana resumed her humming where she had left it. She had already sang like ten songs by the time they heard the door unlocked.

"What the hell?" Sue Sylvester asked when she opened the door and found the light turned off "You're unbelievable, I let you locked up alone for a couple of hours and you ended up making out in a janitor's closet. Get out of here, you're disgusting".

Neither of them complained about the accusation and just walked out, each one her own way, not looking back.

...

They ate pizzas and drank wine (well, Santana and Puck drank wine) even if it was three in the afternoon. Santana was a little more quiet than usual so she was ok just listening to her friends and laughing at the kids jokes. They were all sitting around the gigantic table and the noise in the room was making Santana's head explode. There were Tina and Mike with their son Mike Jr. (Santana just didn't understood why people called their kids after themselves) who was four and was already an amazing dancer. Next to them were Brittany and her blonde husband Andrew, who was an elementary school teacher, and their three cute kids: the two twin boys, Harry and Tom, who were five, and their younger sister Lisa, who was two and Santana's goddaughter. Santana simply loved that little girl and already knew that what Lisa would ask for, Lisa would get from her. Rachel and Matthew were next to Santana; John, Rachel's husband, was a Broadway producer and was abroad for business. Then there were Puck and Beth and Artie, who was dating some model he didn't bring with him for some reason. Kurt was sitting next to his husband Don, a well-known painter. Blaine was on tour with his band, Finn and Sam were stuck at a military camp somewhere in Nevada and Mercedes was filming a movie in Chicago so she couldn't make it either, though she did call them and spoke in the speaker for like an hour. She wasn't married but she was dating a totally hot guy (Santana's words, not Mercedes') who was a casting director.

Santana turned to her left when a warm hand touched her arm.

"Are you ok hun?" Sally asked looking at her with concern. She was Santana's girlfriend, had been for the last two years. Sally was a little shorter than Santana, red-headed and had a freckled nose that Santana simply found adorable. She was a fashion designer and Santana had met her at a fashion show two winters ago. Santana smiled lightly at her and nodded.

"I am" she said even if wasn't sure she was. She was thinking about Quinn; nobody knew about her since she had left New York four years ago. Sally looked into her eyes and Santana knew she didn't completely believe her.

"You sure?"

"I'm fine babe, really" she took Sally's little hand and kissed it "But I'm going to need a four hours nap after this madness".

Sally chuckled and Santana smiled although she was internally cursing herself for thinking about the blonde even after all those years.

"I think I can distract Rach so you can sneak to the guest room after we leave the table" Sally said to her.

"You're the best".

Sally smiled into the kiss Santana gave her.

But in the end Santana didn't go to bed after the meal. Instead she sat with her friends in the huge living room and watched old tapes of their performances. Sally was on the couch with Rachel and Brittany; Santana was sitting on the floor between her girlfriend's legs with Lisa on her lap. They all laughed and cried a little (not that Santana was going to admit that) watching them all perform Edge of Glory and Paradise By The Dashboard Light and they applauded all over again when they heard the judges saying that they were the national champions 2012. It felt like it was ages ago; it kind of was. They were all different people now, somehow better versions of their old selves. Except for Rachel, Santana thought; she was as annoying and talkative as always or maybe worse, if that was even possible.

"I was so happy when Mercedes told Quinn and I that we were doing Edge of Glory with you guys" Tina said with dreamy eyes. Brittany said something about hot chicks and great songs matching perfectly together but Santana wasn't really hearing. She was absently playing with Lisa's hair, her eyes fixed on the ex cheerleader singing and dancing on the stage, smiling happily. Where would she be? God, she missed her so, so, so much sometimes. Next to her, Beth moved uneasily.

"You look like her" Santana said to the girl so softly that only Beth could hear her "I bet that you're the prettiest girl at school".

Beth looked at her with the perfect Quinn's smile on her lips.

"You sound like Puck" Santana laughed a little at the comment "You miss her, don't you Tana?" Santana nodded quietly and Beth's hazel eyes darkened with something that looked a lot like sadness "Yeah, me too".

The Latina hugged the blonde with one arm and kissed her hair.

"I'm sure she misses you too".

After everybody left Santana and Sally helped Rachel cleaning the mess. By the time they finished was already midnight so Rachel told them to stay the night and the women accepted the offer. The next day was Sunday so it wasn't like they had to go to work anyways.

It was around six in the morning when Santana woke up with an unbearable headache. She hadn't drunk that much, not really; it was more like the headache that always chased her whenever she thought too much about certain blonde. Trying her best to not wake her up, she unwrapped her arm from Sally's waist and got out of bed.

"Hun?" Sally asked with sleepy voice.

"I'm sorry I woke you up babe. I just need a glass of water and I'm back in bed".

Sally nodded and went back to sleep and Santana tiptoed to the kitchen. She didn't want to wake up Rach and Matt too. She was pouring herself a glass of water when she heard the bell rang. Santana decided to ignore it but it rang a second time. What the hell? She was going to kill the idiot outside the door but then she heard soft steps and the door opening.

"Oh my God!" she heard Rachel's sleepy but excited voice. Santana was going to see what was happening when she heard the rest of Rachel's phrase "Oh my God Quinn, it's so good to finally see you!"

Santana froze in her tracks. She couldn't move, her brain was sending contradictory signs to her legs. She wanted to see the blonde so badly, she wanted to fulfilled her eyes with her presence, but at the same time she was so damn scared and angry and sad. She inhaled deeply trying to calm herself down and listened to her two friends. She felt a pang of guilt 'cause she wasn't supposed to hear any of that but she decided to ignore it. When it came to Quinn and her everything was fuckingly wrong so...

"Quinn, where've you been? And what are you doing here six in the morning? You missed the party! Everybody asked for you but I didn't know what to say because you hadn't answered my email" Rachel said without a pause.

"I'm sorry Rach" Quinn whispered shyly.

And that was when it hit her. That voice. Four years since the last time that voice said something to her, Santana had missed it so badly. It still sounded beautiful but something in it was a bit different, more tired and raspier. Santana noticed she was holding her breath and forced herself to breathe again.

"What happened Quinn?"

Santana heard Quinn sighed.

"I came to the party. I mean…. I wake up yesterday and I missed you all so much so I made myself drive all the way back here. But then I couldn't do it. I walked your block a hundred times and after two hours of not knowing what to do I drove back to my hotel room".

"Oh Quinn" there was a pause and Santana guessed that Rachel was hugging the blonde.

"I wish I could come but I didn't find the courage. I couldn't face _them_... I feel so stupid" the last words were just a whisper and Santana almost missed them.

Quinn didn't said a word, neither did Rachel, but Santana heard the door closing and soft steps on the carpet.

"Beth lives in this same building now Quinn, I'm glad it's six in the morning because it's not like you could just run into her. And _she_ is here at my place…" Santana's heart skipped a beat "Quinn, you have to tell her you're in town. She needs to see you and see that you're ok. She doesn't say it but she's so worried about you…"

"I don't know what I was thinking" Quinn said suddenly with somehow a metallic voice "I have to go".

"Quinn don't…" Rachel protested but the sound of the door opening and closing again told Santana that the blonde was already gone. A second later the petite brunette entered the kitchen looking frustrated. Her eyes grew wider when she realized Santana was there.

"She run away again" Santana said bitterly and went back to the guest room.

...

_Senior Year_

Santana couldn't believe what she was seeing. She felt so numb and...helpless. What was she going to do? They didn't understand, nobody did. She was supposed to be the perfect bitch, she couldn't be vulnerable, she couldn't break but she felt like the world was collapsing under her feet. She looked at Coach Sylvester and at the men in the office and then at the tv and she just couldn't believe it. She had been outed in national television and... What was she going to do?

"I haven't told my parents yet" she said at the edge of tears before running away. She didn't know where she was going, she just needed space to breath. She run through the desert corridors until she found an empty classroom. She entered and didn't bother turning the lights on. She just sat on the floor next to the door, her knees against her chest, and cried her heart out. She vaguely heard the bell indicating the end of the period but she just stayed there, wishing she never had to get out. She couldn't face the nosy kids, her parents, the neighbours, not even Brittany. She wouldn't understand, she wouldn't see why being out that way was so fucking wrong.

She didn't know how long she had been there when she saw by the corner of her eyes that someone sneak inside the classroom.

"Get out of here" she spat out without turning to see who the intruder was.

"S, are you ok?" Quinn soft voice asked her.

Santana turned to the other side so Quinn couldn't see her face.

"Get out of here Fabray" she intended to sound angry but she just sounded broken and small. The blonde walked up to her and kneeled at her side. She put a gentle hand on her bare shoulder and Santana couldn't help but face her gaze. She was staring at her with concerned eyes.

"What happened?" the blonde asked quietly, stroking her arm sweetly -Mr. Shue seemed worry about you skipping glee club today.

Santana couldn't answer, she didn't find the words. So Quinn just held her tight and let her cry until the Latina calmed herself and found the courage to go back home. Santana didn't said a word and Quinn didn't ask, and the Latina was thankful for that.

Quinn drove her to her house. They were silent all way long because Santana didn't really want to talk (not that she found her voice either) and Quinn knew better to push her friend to do it. Santana's phone rang several times (Brittany, Mr. Shue, her mom, Britt again, Finn, Britt a third time) but the Latina didn't answer and eventually just turned it off.

"You know you can talk to me if you feel like it, right?" Quinn asked before Santana get out of the car. The Latina just nodded and stayed there by the car door trying to make up her mind until she finally spoke.

"Could you come inside with me?" the brunette asked so softly that her friend almost missed it.

Quinn didn't answer but turned off the engine and get out as well.

"Santana, hija, ¿estás bien?" Maribel asked her in Spanish as soon as they entered the house.

"Estoy bien mamá" Santana asked quickly without looking at her, rushing to the stairs and up to her room "If someone calls or comes looking for me, don't call me".

"But Britt…"

"No".

Maribel sighed and Quinn gave her a sympathetic looked before following her friend upstairs.

Santana throw herself in her bed and hugged her pillow. Her eyes were red and puffy and she felt like her head could explode any time. Quinn sat carefully next to her and stroke her back.

"S, please talk to me, I'm clueless here…"

Between sobs Santana tried to explain what had happened with Coach Sylvester campaign and the tv ad.

"I'm so scared Quinn" she managed to say at the end. She felt like she didn't have any more tears left; her throat felt dry and her eyes burned "I… I don't know what to do".

Quinn laid beside her. They were facing each other, their faces and their bodies just inches apart. Santana could feel Quinn's breathing on her cheeks; the blonde was breathing slowly and somehow that was calming Santana's heart. They stayed like that staring at each other's eyes for what seem like ages until Quinn finally spoked in a whisper.

"You know I don't mind that you're a lesbian, right?" Santana tensed up at that word but she nodded anyway "And that everyone in the glee club will be okay with it. Kurt's been gay since forever and everyone like him. Well, at least we like him most of the time" Quinn joked trying to light the mood and it worked because a tiny smiled formed on Santana's lips "What I want to say is that you're gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay".

Santana inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. She felt a pair of slim arms wrapped around her and only then she really felt like maybe she would be all right.

...

It was quarter past one when Santana finally woke up. She was alone in Rachel's guest room and the spot next to her was already cold; she heard voices coming from the dining room and she guessed that Rach, Matt and Sally must have been having lunch. When she heard a belly laugh she paralyzed a second until she realized it must have been Beth and not Quinn.

Grumbling she got out of bed and made herself presentable before heading to the dining room.

"Hey girls...and Matt" the boy smiled wide at her.

"Hey sleepy beauty" Sally said with a big smile in her face "I'm sorry I didn't wake you up but you seemed tired".

"It's ok" she said sitting next to her girlfriend and kissing her in the cheek.

Rachel gave her a concerned look but Santana didn't meet her eyes. After all the years they had spent living together Rachel was pretty good at reading her and Santana didn't feel in the mood for a lecture about moving on and crap like that.

After lunch Sally invited Santana to her place but she made up an excuse and went home alone. It was cold outside but she barely felt it. She couldn't stop thinking about Quinn. Did she look the same as four years ago? Were her eyes brighter than the last time she had seen them or were they as dark as that night? Did she look as tired as she sounded?

Without thinking it a second time she took her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and sent Rachel a text message. The diva had tried to talk to her but she had sneaked away.

_"How is she?"_ was all she wrote.

_"Sad"_

Santana sighed. She had to see her.

...

_Senior Year_

They were at their Prom counting the votes as Brittany had told them to do. Well, in fact they were modifying the actual results, giving the Queen's title to no one but Rachel Berry. They didn't know what had got into them; maybe they were just boring.

"I just wish…" Quinn began to say after putting Rachel's name inside the envelop and Santana turned to face her "I wish I had something like you and Britt have, something like the thing between Rachel and Finn, or Tina and Mike…"

"You didn't just compare us with the dwarf and Frankenteen" Santana said faking disgust.

"You know what I mean…" Santana nodded and Quinn sighed "I feel like I don't deserve to be loved, you know? Or like nobody will dare to love me…"

Santana rolled her eyes.

"First of all, you're kind of pathetic right now. It doesn't suit you" Santana said matter-of-factly and Quinn quirked an eyebrow "And second of all, somebody will love you sooner or later. You just have to stop being so fucking selfish and self-centered".

"But you're all those things too" Quinn protested.

"Listen girl, if you asked for my opinion you don't have the right to protest if you don't like it. Geez, you're impossible".

"Ok, ok, I get it. But you are selfish and self-centered" Quinn pointed out. Santana fought the urge to drop some harsh words and rolled her eyes instead. The blonde was impossible. She tried a different approach.

"Yes I am, but I'm different with Britt, I've always been. She can have the last breadstick when we go out and she can pick the movie even if I hate those Disney films she loves so much. Those are things that I just have to do and it's all right" she said, hating herself for sounding so whipped.

"You don't hate Disney movies".

"Totally not the point. All I'm saying is that when you love someone you have to give up on some things. Otherwise, it won't work out".

Quinn sighed again and Santana punched her lightly on her arm.

"You'll find the one".

"Ok, now I do feel pathetic".

Santana laughed and walked to the gym followed by the blonde in weelchair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Never Stop - Chapter 2**

Santana didn't give in on her impulse to call Quinn and instead spend her Sunday in front of her TV watching a Friend's marathon even if she wasn't really paying attention. She had deleted the blonde's number from her phone years ago but she couldn't help but remember it. And she knew Quinn hadn't changed it. She played with the remote in her hands to avoid dialing her ex's number.

She tried hard not to think about Quinn being in the same town as she was, walking the same streets that she walked every day, the same streets that they used to walk together. She imagined Quinn standing outside her building trying to find the courage to talk to her and she had to fight the urge to go to the window to check. She didn't live in the apartment she had shared with Quinn but she was almost positively that the blonde had her new address, that she had found it out the same way Santana had found out about Quinn's number: through Rachel.

She received a bunch of text messages during the afternoon and although she read them she just ignored them all.

Rach: "_San how are you doing?"_

Sally: "_Babe are you ok? Call me if you aren't, please"_

Sally: "_I'm worried about U. Calling U tonight"_

Rach: "_Santana, did you call her?"_

Rach: "_Santana Marie Lopez, it's that hard to type one little sms?"_

Kurt: "_I'm sorry but Rach told me to check on you. Don't know what happened but want some company?"_

Santana was at her balcony watching the New York sky got darker and darker when she received the last text.

Rach: "_San, you didn't kill yourself, right?"_

Santana rolled her eyes and replied the text as soon as she read it. If she didn't she knew Rachel would be at her door in less than ten minutes. She knew one day she would regret not moving further from the little diva.

"_Stop texting, you're suffocating me"_

Rachel replied immediately.

"_Ha ha at least you're still bitchy ;)"_

Santana laughed a little and went to the kitchen to make herself some coffee. She hadn't ate anything since lunch and she was starving but she wasn't in the mood of cooking, so she would have to survive with that. She was going to write a quickly text to Sally to assure her she was fine but then she changed her mind and instead she asked her to come over her place for the night. Sally lived a few blocks away from her. They had talked about living together but Santana was insecure about it. She had said that she needed her space and that she eventually would be ok with all that moving thing but deep inside she knew that she was scared. She didn't want to live with someone that would break up with her someday, she didn't want to be hurt again.

Even deeper inside she knew that Sally wasn't Quinn and that those things wasn't going to happen with the red-headed.

But maybe (just maybe) the problem was precisely that Sally _wasn't_ Quinn.

Sally arrived at her place a little later with a big bag on her shoulder and a little smile on her lips.

"You look awful" Sally teased her poking Santana's nose before heading to the kitchen to cook them some dinner. They ate watching TV and then went to bed. Sally had brought her laptop so she could finished some things before the next morning so Santana laid there lost in her thoughts while Sally worked. She looked at Sally's beautiful features and inhaled deeply. She felt a bad person for some reason.

"Ok, you need to stop looking like a hurt puppy" Sally said looking at her.

"Hey! I don't look like a hurt puppy" Santana defended herself but she sounded less firm that she intended to.

"Yes you do. San, what happen?" Sally asked concerned, closing her laptop and putting it on the floor. She got into bed properly and turned to face Santana.

"I don't know…" Santana said lowering her gaze. She couldn't look into Sally's eyes "I just feel sad, I guess"

"Is this about the videos we saw yesterday and about Quinn not going to the party?" Sally asked her quietly and Santana nodded. The Latina hated the hurt hiding behind Sally's green eyes and hated the fact that she was the cause of it even more. But she couldn't lie to her girlfriend, and even if she did, Sally knew her better. "You can talk to me about it if you need it" the red-headed continue caressing her cheek sweetly.

"It's ok…." Santana mumbled "Can you hug me?"

Sally smiled to her and turned the light off before wrapping Santana's waist and kissing her head.

"I love you"

Santana kissed her lightly but she didn't say _"I love you"_ back.

...

_**First year after High School**_

It'd been a week since Santana found out about the Bram thing and she was impossible hurt. How could it all have turned out so fucking wrong? She was supposed to get back together with Britt, marry her and have little blonde kids that look just like the dancer. But instead she had been crying her heart out for the last couple of days, lied in her bed every second she got at home, refusing to eat with her roommates and listening to Lene Marlin on her iPhone. So she wasn't all that surprised when she heard Quinn's soft voice calling her name.

"Rach called me for an intervention" the blonde explained with a little smile when Santana turned to look at her. The Latina knew she must look horrible but she couldn't care less.

"She's so nosy".

Quinn entered the Latina's so-called-room, which was basically a corner of the loft closed with a curtain, and walked to the bed.

"She cares about you".

"I know…" Santana sighed and made room so Quinn could lie in her one-sized bed with her.

"You wanna talk about it?"Quinn asked tentatively.

"No".

Santana intended to be lazy all day long but Quinn made her get up and have dinner with Rachel and Kurt, who were sensible enough not to make questions about her feelings and instead made small talk which actually made Santana thought for something else besides Brittany for a while.

"I think I may go to this Funny Girl audition" Rachel said out of the blue.

"No, you _are_ going to the Funny Girl audition" Kurt corrected her.

"That's what I said!"

"No, it wasn't".

"Whatever" Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Wow, I've never thought I would see the day when you would act like Santana" Quinn said amused.

"I'm not! I'm offended" Rachel protested.

"Hell right she's not. I look much more sophisticated than she does" Santana added.

"Excuse me?!"

"What!? I totally do".

Quinn chuckled at her friends and Kurt turned to her.

"They have a lot of these little fights. I don't know what to do with them anymore".

"Shut up Porcelain" Santana said turning to him.

"You're still such a bullier Santana".

"And you're such a baby".

"Ok, I think that's enough" Quinn said calmly but somehow with authority and the others three just looked at her and continued eating mumbling things to themselves "You're all a bunch of little kids, you know that, right?"

"Whatever Fabray".

Quinn smiled and Santana thought that maybe Rachel did a good thing calling her.

Even if there was a comfortable couch to sleep in Quinn made herself comfortable in Santana's bed while the Latina brushed her teeth after the Project Runway marathon.

"Those models were hot" Santana said when she returned from the bathroom.

"Yeah, they were" the blonde confirmed nonchalantly and Santana smiled. The blonde was under the covers reading some book with her glasses on and the Latina thought she looked between cute and hot. She stayed there, watching the way Quinn frown her eyebrows at what she was reading, and a smile formed in her lips without her noticing it.

"Staring it's rude and kind of creepy" the blond said without raising her eyes.

Ops.

"Move" Santana ordered and Quinn rolled over her side, her back facing Santana, so she could keep reading "You're such a nerd".

Quinn didn't even bother answering to that.

"Hey Q…"

"Ummm".

"Thanks for coming all the way here just to try to take me out of my misery".

"I came just because I feel like doing some shopping in the big city" the blonde said without turning to face her friend and Santana didn't complain. In fact she hated feeling so vulnerable so she appreciated that Quinn was deflecting the conversation. She knew that Quinn knew she appreciated the gesture anyways.

"I can turn the lights off if you wanna sleep" Quinn said after a while, sensing how Santana was turning and turning again in the little bed.

"It's not that" the Latina mumbled. Those days had been impossible to her and she really didn't want to fall asleep. How much torture could a woman take? Because she didn't feel she could manage dreaming about Brittany again.

Without a word Quinn put her book on the floor and turned to face Santana.

"Come here" she said, opening her arms. Santana leaned in and concentrated in the slow movements of her friend's chest until she finally fell asleep. She didn't have bad dreams that night.

...

When Santana woke up she found that she was alone in bed. It usually bothered her because she liked to be lazy with Sally but that morning it actually was a relief 'cause she had dreamt about Quinn that night. It happened sometimes and she was used to the dreams (always blurred, always making her wake up with that emptiness inside) but that time it had felt different. She dreamt they were at a the loft she once had shared with Rachel and Kurt, eating pizza and talking with her roommates and the blonde. That was all that happened in the dream but when Santana woke up she could still feel the electricity running inside her body after sensing Quinn so close to her. She could still hear Quinn's belly laugh and the way the blonde touched her arm slightly. She got up and stepped into the shower trying her best to forget about the dream. She concentrated on the hot water running over her tanned skin and breathed the steam that surrounded her, inhaling deeply each time. She was ok, she said to herself over and over again. She had a beautiful girlfriend who loved her more than anything, she had a great job, she had a nice apartment and the best friends she could ask for. Yeah, she was ok…

When she was done Santana walked into the kitchen to found the breakfast ready for her. There was a note next to the orange juice glass written with Sally's rounded handwritting. "_Hope you're feeling better_". Santana smiled and send Sally a text.

"_Morning honey. Thanks for the breakfast! You're definitely the best :)_" she wrote hoping that Sally would have forgotten about the strange behaviour of hers the previous day.

"_Morning San! feeling any better?_"

"_Yeah. Sorry I made you worry yesterday_" Santana texted back. She sat at the table and ate a toast with no rush. It was a little late but she was hungry. She run a little fashion store with Kurt, surely he could live without her for half an hour.

"_It's ok. R u eating, right?_"

"_Yup! Love your toasts haha I don't even care I'm late_"

"_Kurt's gonna lectura U haha Hey, have a meeting today. Can we skip lunch?_"

"_Sure Sal. Have a great day_"

"_You 2! Love U_"

Santana smiled, actually feeling better. She run to the bathroom to put her some makeup on and leave. She was leaving her building when she heard a soft voice calling her name.

"Santana…"

She didn't need to turn to know that that was Quinn calling her.

...

_**Two weeks after Mr. Shue's almost-wedding**_

Santana woke up because her phone wouldn't stop ringing with a crappy Sara Bareilles' song.

"Geez!" she exclaimed before picking it up "Q, what the hell? It's like eight in the morning!"

"Morning sunshine" Quinn mocked her "In fact, it's ten fifteen and I calling you because last night you told me to do so. You have a dance class at eleven, remember?"

"Oh crap" Santana jumped out of bed and put her phone on speaker so she could keep talking to Quinn. Where the hell were her leggings? "Crap, crap, crap, I'm going to be so fucking late".

"You're welcome Santana".

Santana ignored the annoyed tone and looked around for her bag. She founded it under her bed and started throwing things inside it.

"You were supposed to call me at nine thirty!"

"I called you!" Quinn yellew frustrated "In fact, I called you like a million times. How deep is your sleep?"

"A lot" Santana answered running out of her bedroom with her phone in her hands. She went to the bathroom but someone was inside "Berry I need the bathroom!"

"Coming!" a singing voice answered her.

"Ok, as much as I enjoy your morning drama I need to head back to class" Quinn said with a little laugh "Call me after your dance class to tell me how late you were".

"Screw you Fabray".

"Love you too".

Santana sighed and knocked on the bathroom door again. She had been doing this with Quinn for a while: talk in the mornings (well, in fact almost at noon; Santana wasn't really a morning person), text during the day, sometimes talk between Quinn's classes and skype at night before Santana's shifts at the bar. It was their routine and Santana didn't find it rare that all started after their hook up at Valentine's Day.

"Berry, I swear, if you don't get out of the bathroom right now I'm coming in, I don't care what the hell are you doing in there".

"Jesus Santana, you're impossible in the mornings!" Rachel said getting out, wrapped in a towel. The Latina smirk, get into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Santana arrived at her dance class incredibly late. Like an hour late. She didn't even attempt to get in; she just looked for a nearby Starbucks, bought herself a coffee and headed back home. Kurt and Rachel were having breakfast and watched her coming in.

"Santana, what are you doing here, I thought you…"

"Don't ask"

Santana left her bag in the floor (_you're not going to left that there, are you?...never mind_) and plop into the couch with a sigh.

"Ok Santana, you have to stop being so moody with us. You're so nice when you talk to Quinn, I think we deserve some of that kindness too" Rachel said annoyed looking at her.

"Maybe she needs to get laid" Kurt said to Rachel matter-of-factly and Rachel widened her eyes. Santana was going to kill him "How long has it been since the last time you have sex?"

"Don't go there Hummel" Santana said without turning to them, hugging a purple pillow.

"He's right. I mean…" Rachel continued when she noticed that Santana wasn't going all Snix on them "You used to be a sex-machine" Santana rolled her eyes at that even when her roommates couldn't see her face "and now you go to work and then come straight home…."

"There's no way I would answer your stupid accusations"

"Come on Santana, tell us" Kurt begged. They were having fun at her expense and she knew it.

"Come oooooooon" Rachel begged too. Santana knew they wasn't going to leave her alone until they had their answer. They could be pretty persistent sometimes.

"A couple of...weeks?" Santana said shyly. Kurt started laughing and Santana turned to him "What's so funny lady Hummel?!"

"You didn't have sex since the non-wedding, right?"

Rachel looked as she'd just understood something and Santana got up and walked to them with a glare.

"Maybe" she said sharply.

"Oh-my-God" Kurt exclaimed excited "You didn't sleep with anybody since Quinn!"

Wait, what, how could they know? Santana hadn't told them about Quinn.

"How the hell…?"

"You didn't have to _tell_ us Santana, we know you better than you think we do" Rachel said.

"You're so screwed!" Kurt laughed.

"Ending this conversation right now" Santana walked to her portion of the loft "You say something to her and you're dead people"

...

Santana didn't turn around, she just kept walking until the corner and then began to run and stopped the first taxi she saw. She felt stupid and she was scared that Quinn would chase her but it didn't happen, which was kind of obvious. Quinn didn't chase people, Quinn run away. She said her office's address to the driver without thinking about it and the next thing she knew was that she was at her office's building, shaking and rushing into Kurt's office.

"I know you're the owner here but I would appreciate if you just could be at work on time. It's just Monday, you don't get to say you're tired" Kurt said annoyed without looking at her. But he changed his tone as soon as he saw her face "Did you just see a ghost or something?"

"I just saw Quinn".

"Oh. My. God!" Kurt exclaimed "We need to call Rach" he said getting up of his chair and closing his office's door. He sat again and dialled Rachel's number. She was probably already at the theater reharsing for her last play but he didn't care. Santana sat on another chair and waited as she heard the calling tone on the speaker.

"You did what?!" Rachel asked her after Santana explained them what had happened.

"I left without looking at her" Santana repeated sighing. She was still shocked but at least she wasn't shaking anymore, which was almost a good thing in that messy situation. She felt anger and regret running through her veins. How could she have been so stupid? She should have faced Quinn. She shouldn't have run away.

"And why on Earth did you do that?" Rachel asked her sounding pretty upset. After his initial shock Kurt was sitting quietly, his hands joined together on his lap, letting Rachel do the talking. He was thinking and Santana thought it was a bad thing. She felt like she used to feel when they had their "family meetings" on their loft: small and silly. "I can't believe you didn't talk to her" Rachel said frustrated.

"Wow, wait a minute, why are you mad _at me_?" Santana asked confused "I could have been with Sally. How did she dare to go to my place and..." Santana stopped mid-sentence when something came to her mind "Oh no, you didn't…"

Kurt arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"I didn't do what?" Rachel sounded almost afraid to ask.

"You didn't tell her to go to my place, did you?"

"No, I didn't" Rachel said slowly and both Santana and Kurt waited for the diva to continue "...but I may have told her to talk to you".

"Rachel!" Santana exclaimed. She didn't find the words to express her frustration "Geez Rach, I know you wanna help here but aaaaaaag!".

Santana got up from her comfy chair and started pacing around the tiny office. Their fashion business was just starting to take off so that was all they could afford and Santana usually didn't care but in that moment she wished she had more space to walk in there. She needed to run, or yell, or throw things against the walls, anything to let go the emotions that were running through her. But she couldn't do anything of that so she just stayed there, closing and opening her right fists.

"I'm sorry!" Rachel sounded almost as frustrated as Santana felt.

Kurt sighed and looked at Santana.

"Rach did a good thing, even if you think she didn't" he said calmly and Santana nodded slightly, feeling defeated "You two need to talk and resolve your issues so you can move on, you know".

He was right, they both were right. She just had felt that she had moved on, you know? But maybe she hadn't.

"I know" Santana massaged her temple, she could sense the headache magnifying inside her head. She sighed and closed her eyes "I know you're trying to help. I'm sorry" she said to Rachel. She leaned on the wall and rested her head on it. "I… I call you later, key?"

Santana could almost hear Rachel thinking.

"Ok. Just don't do anything stupid".

"Something like…"

"Something like going to her hotel room to kill her or to hook up with her, which in this moment will be equally wrong".

Kurt rolled her eyes and Santana smiled a tiny smile. She didn't know what she would do without her annoying friends. She loved Brittany and she knew she could count on her but there was something special about Rachel and Kurt, they had became closer with the years and they could understand her in a way Britt had never had.

"I won't do that _mom_, I promise" Santana mocked her.

"That's the Santana I know" Rachel said happily.

Santana laughed a little and ended the call. As soon as she did it she felt empty again. She stared at her phone for a couple of minutes, her temple still leaned on the wall, the blood pumping through her ears. She could feel Kurt's gaze on her but she didn't care. She knew he would let her do whatever she wanted to do. Santana sighed again and walked back to her office typing and un-typing Quinn's number. She was about to press the green button but she stopped. What she was going to tell her? She wasn't apologizing for her behaviour that morning. Hell, she wasn't apologising for anything. But if she had nothing to apologize for, then why did she feel so badly? She typed a message and pressed send.

...

It was a Saturday afternoon. Santana was reading a magazine laid on the couch trying to stayed as far as possible from Rachel's room, where she was rehearsing her lines for her Funny Girl audition. Kurt was sitting on the other couch watching a rerun of a Victoria's Secret's fashion show that Santana had already seen when her phone started ringing with that stupid Sara Bareilles' song that Quinn loved so much.

"Hey Q" she greeted her and Kurt muted the TV and arched an eyebrow at her. Santana rolled her eyes and closed her magazine "What's up?"

"I may be at your loft door" the blonde said shyly. Santana got up excitedly and run to the door while Kurt watched at her confused. She hadn't seen her since Mr. Shue's non-wedding and that had been six weeks ago. She decided to ignore the way her heart was racing when she opened the door .

"Q!" she exclaimed hugging her friend, who giggled "It's so good to see you Blondie"

Kurt giggled too but Santana ignored him. She knew she must look so not-her but she couldn't care less. She took a step back so Quinn could breath again.

"It's good to see you too S" Quinn smiled and Santana moved so her friend could step into the loft "Hi Kurt"

"Hi Quinn" he said walking to her "I'm glad you're here because this girl was insufferable" Quinn stared at him confused and Santana rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him"

Quinn laughed and Santana had to fight the urge to hug her again. Maybe Kurt was right and she was screw.

They all four ate together talking about what has been going on on their lives and then Rachel took Quinn to some of her classes so Quinn could see how NYADA was. The blonde didn't complain and just followed her laughing and making jokes. She really seem happy, Santana thought.

"I'll be back soon, at least I hope so" Quinn said to Santana from the door before following the petite brunette. Santana winked at her and watched the two girls left.

"You should ask her out" Kurt said when Quinn and Rachel were gone, looking at Santana.

"What?" Santana was too lost on her own thoughts.

"I said: you should ask her out".

"She doesn't like me the way I like her" Santana said without really thinking what she was saying.

"Oh, I see…." Kurt said mischievously "And what way is that?"

Santana sighed and turned to him.

"Don't make me say it Kurt"

"Say what?"

Santana huffed.

"Say that I think I'm falling for her".

...

It was noon and Santana found herself outside that little café nearby Central Park she used to visit with Quinn. She always had loved it because it seemed so Quinn: huge windows with flowers on the edge, dark walls decorated with colourful paintings, wooden tables with red and white dotted tablecloths, big lamps hanging on the ceiling and a shelf with old books in a corner. Santana had been there a couple of times after their break-up because it reminded her of the blonde but after the first month she had stopped. The memories had been too painful and the waitresses had kept asking her for Quinn. She hadn't have the energy to explain anything to anyone.

Santana looked through the windows and saw that the blonde was already there, staring the cup of coffee that was in front of her. It was the first time in almost four years that Santana saw her and she felt instantly breathless. The ex head-cheerio was wearing a white and yellow striped blouse and dark jeans; her hair was short and bright, her hands moved slowly playing with a paper napkin. She had her gaze lowered and her lips were pressed tightly together; she seemed anxious and somehow a little scared. She was so damn beautiful. Santana felt her stomach squirmed but she forced herself to stay calm, impassive. Quinn was not going to see how much she could still affected her.

She stayed there looking at her ex for a few more seconds taking in every little gesture the girl did, before entering the place and walking to the blonde. She stopped in front of Quinn's table and looked at her trying her best to control her breathing.

"Hi" Santana said quietly but at the same time firmly.

Quinn raised her head and when hazel eyes met brown Santana felt her heart stop. She fought to remain cold in the outside even if she felt like she was a gigantic hurricane of emotions in the inside. Quinn's eyes were darker than she remembered, a little sadness hidden behind them.

"Hi" Quinn said softly. Santana sat in front of Quinn ignoring the way Quinn's voice made her tingle, already regretting being there. What was the point? Then she remembered she had been the one who texted Quinn asking her to meet her. Damn it.

"Why did you go to my place this morning?" she asked abruptly. She sounded almost angry and Quinn bit her lower lip at her tone. A waitress (no one Santana knew, thankfully) approached them and Santana ordered a black coffee even if she knew she wasn't going to be able to drink it. She just wanted something to entertain herself besides just sitting there looking at Quinn.

There was a long pause and Santana noticed that Quinn was reading her. She knew immediately that Quinn had noticed how tensed she was, the way she was trying to keep her breathe even, the movement of her foot under the table. She knew that Quinn could tell that she was nervous and confused and hated the fact that she couldn't hide behind a mask. She hated the fact that Quinn knew her better than anybody else. She hated feeling so damn vulnerable.

"I wanted to see you" Quinn answered quietly still playing with the paper napkin. That was when Santana noticed that there were four cranes over the table, little and elegant, silently surrounding Quinn's cup, almost as they were there defending the blonde from the world. Santana couldn't help but smile a little smile. Quinn had been trying to learn how to do a crane for weeks when they had been together. The waitress came back with Santana's coffee, left it over the table and left without a word. Satana started playing with the spoon, describing circles inside the dark liquid.

"You've learn" she said pointing to the cranes. Quinn smiled a shy and almost imperceptible smile and lowered her gaze back to the paper.

"Yeah" she said simply. Santana observed Quinn's fingers folding the napkin and suspected that it wasn't going to be a crane.

"So… Quinn, what are you doing here?" Santana asked. She sounded much less angry and more curious this time.

"I'm moving back to New York" Quinn answered with her eyes fixed on her hands "I'm looking for a place in the old neighborhood"

Santana thought "_our_ old neighborhood" and bit her lower lip instantly. She made herself no good thinking like that.

"Why?"

"It's the only place that feels like home"

Santana felt her heart pumping violently inside her chest. They reminded silent for a while, both girls concentrated on her own thoughts, the two coffee getting cold in front of them. They didn't look at each other and Santana felt it was just a waste. They had been apart almost for four year , they should have been able to look at each other now, right?

"Santana…" Quinn began but Santana stopped her. Her name in Quinn's lips… it brought her too many memories. She couldn't bear it.

"Don't" she said sharply. Quinn looked at her confused "Don't say my name".

Quinn nodded but didn't say anything else.

"You can't appear at my door like nothing has change" Santana continued, suddenly remembering why she texted Quinn that morning "I… Sally could have been with me"

"That's her name?" Quinn asked her. Santana nodded slowly and averted her gaze.

"Beth could have been with me" Santana continued. She heard Quinn sighed and looked back at her "Did you call her?"

"Not yet. She hates me, right?"

"No, she doesn't. She just misses you so much. And she's hurt, she doesn't understand why you leave"

"Do you understand?" Quinn asked her in a whisper.

Santana closed her eyes and bit the inner wall of her cheeks. She didn't know the right answer to that question. She didn't want to think about it either.

"You should call her. Her birthday is this Friday"

They stayed in silence a little longer until Santana couldn't bear it anymore.

"This is all wrong" she said to herself looking for her wallet and placing the money for her untouched coffee over the table "I shouldn't have come" she felt Quinn's gaze on her but didn't look back at her "I have to go".

She was almost at the door when she felt a cold hand on her arm and froze in place.

"I'm sorry" Quinn whispered before releasing her. Santana opened the door and walked away without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Never Stop. Chapter 3**

**Quinn's POV**

(Present)

After Santana left Quinn paid her coffee and started walking the busy streets ignoring everything that happened around her. She felt so stupid. What the hell was she thinking? She shouldn't have gone to Santana's place that morning. She shouldn't have agreed to meet her that noon. She shouldn't have grabbed her arm and told her "_I'm sorry"_.

In fact, she shouldn't have gone back to New York in the first place. At least not hoping that everything would be fine.

...

**Quinn's POV**

(Eight years ago)

All the point of going to New York was to spend some time with Santana (Quinn had really missed her, not that she was going to say that outloud) but Rachel decided that she had to see NYADA so there she was, going to the petite brunette's collage with her. It wasn't all that bad and they were friends so that was the least she could do, so Quinn wasn't complaining. She just wished Santana would have been there too, it would have been so much funnier that way.

She went with Rachel to all of her classes: singing, modern jazz, singing again (Rachel told her that they were two different kinds of singing but Quinn couldn't see the difference) and then ballet. She met the teacher and instantly recognized her: that was the Cassandra July Rachel talked (complaint, in fact) so much about. She could see why. What a horrible person! She seemed so much worse than Coach Sylvester and that was saying a lot. She looked for her phone and typed a text trying her best not to be discovered; she wasn't a student there but she had the feeling that that wasn't going to be a problem to Miss July and she would reprimand her nevertheless.

Quinn: "I met Miss July here. Poor Rach!" she wrote to Santana. The Latina answered right away.

Santana: "Yeah, I've heard so many things bout her that I hate her too"

Quinn: "I can't stand half of the people here and I don't even talk to them!"

Santana: "I can't stand Rachel and I live with her"

Quinn rolled her eyes because even when Santana tried to maintain her badass facade, she knew that deep inside Santana was such a softy. She could even remember a time when Santana had told to her "Rach is a great friend" or something like that; she had saved the Facebook conversation just in case she needed to blackmail her some day.

Quinn: "Lier"

Santana: "Last time I check I DO live with her"

Quinn: "Last time I check you really like her"

Santana: "Not as much as I like you ;)"

Quinn felt butterflies inside her stomach and a smile forming in her lips. What was wrong with her? Yeah, they had slept together once (well, twice, but it was the same night so it didn't count, right?) and they talked like every day but that was all that happened between them, didn't it? The urge she had felt that had made her travel to New York to see Santana, the happiness she had felt when she saw the brunette standing in front of her, her skin electrifying when Santana had hugged her, that was completely normal for a friend, right?

Too bad it didn't feel normal at all.

Quinn forced herself to pay attention to the class. Rachel was doing some pirouettes or whatever they were called and she was pretty sure that the petite diva would ask for her opinion about her performance as soon as the class was over.

They arrived back at the loft around nine o'clock.

"God, I'm exhausted" Quinn said as soon as she entered the place. She threw herself on the couch next to Kurt, who was reading the script of some school play. Rachel stepped into the loft behind her all bubbly.

"What a great day! Miss July couldn't see anything wrong in my pirouettes today" the little diva said going to her room and leaving her things in there. Kurt and her hated when there were personal things all over the place.

"Hello you two" Santana said to them coming from her room. Quinn looked at her; she was wearing black shorts and a grey V-neck T-shirt. She sat next to Quinn and placed her legs over the blonde's "Wow Quinn, did you dance too much today?" the Latina asked her when she saw how tired Quinn looked.

"Not really" Quinn said a little distracted; she was trying to find an innocent place where to put her hands. She ended up placing them over Santana's knees and tried to maintain a cool face. She didn't want everyone noticing that she was dying to stroke the tanned skin with her thumb, oh no.

"Good, because you and I are going out tonight" Santana said almost as bubbly as Rachel was a while ago. Kurt looked at Santana as confused as Quinn felt.

"What, now?" Quinn asked. She wasn't dying to go to sleep or anything but Rachel was an exhausting person and had made her follow her class after class for hours; she really needed some time to recover herself.

"Yes blondie. It's my night off, you're here and I reeeeally want to go to some club that it's not for NYADA guys. They suck"

Kurt kept staring at them, intrigued with their interaction.

"Fine" Quinn said and Santana smiled happily. She turned to the boy "Are you coming?"

"Nop, I feel like watching a movie tonight" he said before going back to his script. Quinn felt like he was hiding something but she didn't say anything.

They all four had dinner together and then Santana and Quinn made themselves ready to their night out. Santana wore a short tight black strapless dress with a leather jacket and high boots, her hair slightly curled, and Quinn was breathless when she saw her. She was sexy, Quinn thought arching an eyebrow.

"I think she thinks you look hot in that dress" Kurt said to Santana pointing towards Quinn. He was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Rachel was nowhere to be seen.

"You can close your mouth now blondie" Santana said mockingly winking at Quinn and Quinn blushed. Maybe she had been staring, but who could blame her? She composed herself before speaking.

"Don't flatter yourself Lopez"

Santana rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen to poured herself a glass of water.

"You look good too" she said to Quinn nonchalantly and Quinn blushed furiously. She was wearing a loose bright red dress and low black heels. She had felt she was underdressed compared with Santana but she didn't feel specially sexy that night, nor was she going out to captivate nobody, so keeping it simple had seemed fine to her.

"Wow Quinn, your cheeks look like two tomatoes" Rachel said to them entering the living room, snapping Quinn out of her embarrassment "Somebody was checking you out?" she joked and Santana put her glass over the table with a little too much force.

"Lets get out of here" Santana said grabbing her purse and Quinn's hand "See you dummies"

"Bye girls, have fun!" Rachel said with her singing tone.

They took a taxi (Santana paid) and fifteen minutes later the two friends were already at the club. The place was crowded, groups of friends and couples moving everywhere, bodies against bodies like it was a ant's nest. It was dark and the colourful lights were flashing, making everything seem surreal. Santana took Quinn's hand so she wouldn't lost her and led her to the closest bar. Quinn stood there while Santana ordered them some drinks. The Latina hadn't asked what she wanted but when Quinn proved her drink she liked it: it was fruity and sweet. She smiled contently when she tasted it.

"I knew you would like it" Santana smiled to her beginning to move with the beat. It was a Rhianna song and although it wasn't the music Quinn usually heard they both loved the way it made them sway, the rhythm taking control of their bodies. Quinn closed her eyes and moved freely, enjoying the way she felt. She wasn't thinking, she was just _being_. She could sense Santana moving in front of her but kept her eyes close. The girl was distracting, especially when she was dancing, especially if she was dressed like she was.

"Hey gorgeous" Quinn heard a man's voice saying in her ear and a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at the man. He must have been her age, brunette with bright blue eyes. She didn't bother looking beyond that; she wasn't interested "Wanna dance?" he asked. The music was so loud that she almost missed his words.

"No, thanks" she answered politely. He removed the hand from her shoulder but didn't move.

"C'mon"

"No"

Why were men so damn insistent? She had said no.

"Why, is your boyfriend here?" he said with a smirk looking around. He had notice Quinn was alone with another girl, both drinking and dancing freely, so he was sure there was no boyfriend nearby. He stepped closer invading Quinn's personal space and Quinn was about to protest when someone stepped next to her.

"Her _girlfriend_ is here" Santana said bitterly glaring at the guy and totally missing the way Quinn blushed when she heard that word "Now move and leave her alone before I kick your ass"

The guy looked between the two and left mouthing a _'bitch'_ that made Santana smirk.

"Jesus, it's been forever since the last time I went dancing, I have forgotten how bad it was when guys come to hit on you" Quinn complain. Santana placed her free hand on Quinn's waist and took a step closer to the blonde, making the blonde gulp. They were so close and the people around them keep pushing them, pressing their bodies together, that Quinn felt it hard to think. Santana's hand in her waist was burning her. Why was all that happening to her in the first place? She didn't like _like_ Santana. She was her best friend. That was all.

"I suppose they found it difficult to resist you" the Latina said smiling and moving with the music. Quinn avoided looking into Santana's eyes and tried to relax. The beat was so contagious that her body started moving too without her thinking about it "You should take advantage of that and pick a guy to make out with tonight. You need to stop hitting on grandpas"

"Hey!" Quinn said facking annoyance and hitting Santana slightly on her shoulder "That was just one time and it's not happening again"

"Glad to hear"

"But I don't want nobody tonight, I came here with _you_" Quinn said looking into Santana eyes one more time and smiling.

"Then let me keep you safe" Santana kissed her cheek and Quinn thanked the dark lights because she knew she was blushing for the fourth time that night.

They danced and laughed and drank and sang and danced some more. Santana glared at every guy she founded staring at Quinn and Quinn hugged the Latina every time she saw a man walking towards them. They held hands every time they moved so they wouldn't lost each other and sometimes they didn't let go when they arrived at their destination. It just felt right, holding each other's hands. Quinn had missed being so comfortable with someone.

It was late and they were tired but the music was great and they didn't want to head home yet so they sat in a couch trying to keep their distance from a couple who was making out passionately.

"Gosh, get a room" Santana said while sitting, not that the couple were listening. Quinn laughed and sat besides her.

"I'm so tired" Quinn said yawing. Santana hit her with her shoulder and Quinn laid her head on it. Santana rounded the blonde's waist with her arm and Quinn inhaled deeply. Some guys passing by were looking at them but she couldn't care less. She loved how it felt being hold by Santana like that and the simple thought terrified her.

"They wish there were them holding you like this" Santana said "Bad for them"

Quinn stayed silent for a second before speaking. The music was still loud and the crowd was singing and yelling like it had been doing all night but it was somehow calmer in that area and their heads were so close to one another that they could hear each other.

"Were you this protective with Brittany too?" she asked. She didn't know where the question had came from, she just felt like asking it. Santana chuckled and Quinn turned her head so she could see her face. Santana was smiling at her memories, her eyes shining, her gaze lost in the distance.

"Actually, Britt used to be the one keeping me safe from stupid guys. I didn't have to do that for her because she liked to fool around with the guys that hit on her. When they approached her she used to talk and smile to them and then she said that sorry but she had a girl. But she hated so bad when guys were around me" Quinn saw Santana's smile grew wider and couldn't help but think that Britt had been a very lucky girl.. "I became protective over her when someone was being bitchy or harmful at her. Britt's special, not stupid. They didn't know her so it was my place to show her that she was better than them"

"You really loved her…" Quinn said mind absently playing with her bracelets. She wasn't looking at Santana anymore, she regretted asking her about Brittany. She wished someone loved her the way Santana loved Brittany.

"Yeah. I still love her but just not that way, you know? I mean… I used to think that she was the love of my life but I don't think that anymore" Quinn arched an eyebrow and looked at Santana, allowing her to continue. They talked every day but Brittany wasn't something they talked about; Santana didn't bring it up and Quinn didn't ask. "I don't know, it's weird… when we first broke up I feel like I was dying. I was so unbelievably sad… I couldn't even hear her name without having all those feeling overwhelming me. But then I started feeling better. And I started talking about her to the people at work and asking Rach and Kurt if they had heard from her. Then I started texting and skyping and calling her again and I visit her at Massachuset a couple of times and it all felt normal and right again, like we would have never been more than friends. When she hugs me I don't feel like I'm dying to kiss her and when she says_ 'I love you'_ it doesn't hurt anymore, it makes me happy instead. So I used to feel like she was the love of my life but I don't think it anymore, 'cause I don't think you can fall out of love with your soulmate".

Quinn sighed and sat straight.

"You're such a romantic" she said smiling. She didn't want to think about why all Santana had said had made her so hopeful.

"No I'm not!" Santana protested and crossed her arms defensively but her eyes were shining with amusement "I just drank too much"

Quinn shook her head.

"Nop. You're a romantic and a totally fluffy person and I'll use this knowledge to blackmail you some time"

"That pretty face of yours and you're the Evil inside"

Quinn smirked trying not to overanalyze Santana's compliment and stood up.

"I'm old. I think I'm ready to go home now"

Santana smiled at her and grabbed her hand to lead them to the exit.

They arrived at the loft almost at the dawn, a little tipsy and tired as they had run a marathon.

"My God, I'm so ready for bed" Santana exclaimed as soon as she entered the loft, leaving her purse and her coat on the couch even if she knew Rachel and Kurt would chastise for it later "Fuck, I'm getting older"

Quinn laughed and went to the bathroom. When she entered the room a couple of minutes later Santana was already on the bed, wearing nothing but a pink running vest and her underwear, her eyes closed. Quinn tried hard not to look at her perfect tanned body and proceeded to change clothes herself. She put on a big grey T-shirt and a running short and climbed to bed next to Santana. They hadn't talked about her sleeping arrangements for the weekend but she didn't want to sleep nowhere else and Santana wasn't complaining so it was right for her to lay next to the Latina, right?

Santana threw the sheets over both of them and turned off the lamp placed on her nightstand table. Quinn moved restlessly not knowing what to do with herself feeling Santana so close to her. Their bodies weren't touching but the bed was so small… She recalled what Santana was wearing and bit her tongue trying to control the tingling in her stomach. Why was Santana doing all those things to her without even touching her? She inhaled deeply and turned on her side, her back facing her friend, hoping it would help with the sudden nervousness she was feeling. She had never felt that thrill before. Sleeping (not in a sexual way, just sleeping) with Finn had made her feel something like boredom, Puck had made her nervous, the teacher she had slept with had made her feel disgust. But laying there with Santana felt totally different. She was so scared of the feeling she wanted to run away as badly as she wanted to stay there forever feeling Santana just inches apart breathing evenly.

She hadn't slept with Santana since the wedding. In fact, she hadn't slept with her since that day she had appeared in the loft to comfort Santana after her break up with Brittany, because the night of the wedding they hadn't really slept. They had sex (twice) and then Quinn had a shower and when she came out of the bathroom Santana was already dressed and ready to go downstairs with her to have a little more fun before the party was over. She was glad things had happened that way, it would have been awkward otherwise. But Quinn would be lying if she said she hadn't wondered what they would have done if they would have decided to stay in bed instead of rejoining the party.

Quinn was thinking about all those things when she felt a strong arm wrapping her waist and a warm body pressing against hers. She felt Santana's bare legs tangling with hers and Quinn felt her heart stop. She found it hard to breathe even when Santana's hand was resting so lightly in her stomach.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Quinn asked softly putting both of her hands under her head. She felt an urge to stroke Santana's hand with hers but she couldn't allow herself to do that, she didn't know exactly why.

"I'm protecting you" Santana said sleepily, her breath hitting Quinn's neck and sending shivers through the blonde's body. Quinn's breathe became heavier, her chest ached for some reason.

"Silly" she said trying to sound natural "Nobody's gonna to come here to hit on me"

"That's right, 'cause I won't let them" Santana whispered almost asleep. Quinn could say that the girl was trying to sound like a badass but she was failing. She sounded sweet and adorable and Quinn bit her lower lip, which was curving into a smile nevertheless.

"You're drunk" Quinn teased her.

"Yup. You're beautiful" Santana said back and Quinn could feel her heart racing inside her chest "Good night Q".

When Quinn felt Santana's lips pressing a soft kiss on her neck she just knew she was screwed.

...

(Present)

Quinn stopped when she founded herself in Central Park. She walked to a solitary bench and sat down. The sun was up in the sky and it was a pretty warm spring day. The birds were singing and there were a lot of kids running everywhere. Weren't they supposed to be at school or something? Unconsciously her eyes followed a little blonde girl who was chasing a fluffy dog carefully watched by a blonde woman with a baby on her arms. The girl must have been seven, maybe eight years old. The same age Beth was when she left. Quinn took her phone and looked for Shelby's number. She hadn't talked to them for all those years. She had e-mailed Shelby once in awhile and send Beth a card and a present for every Christmas and every birthday of hers. God! Santana had been wrong: she was a terrible mother. Or maybe she wasn't even a mother, or she didn't have the motherhood gen. She hated herself.

Hesitantly Quinn pressed the call button.

"Hello?" a woman's voice asked.

"Hi, Shelby? It's Quinn" she said trying to sound calm.

There was a pause in the other end of the line before Shelby spoke again.

"Hi Quinn…" she didn't seem to know what to say next "What a surprise… Mmm is everything ok?"

"Uhm? yeah.. I just call to tell you that I'm back in town" Quinn made a pause and try that her next words sound more firmly "For real". Quinn didn't know who she was trying to convince, if Shelby or herself.

"That's...great" Shelby didn't sounded enthusiastic and Quinn couldn't blame her "Are you going to be around for Beth's birthday?"

"Yes" Quinn answered. Suddenly she felt the urge to talk to the girl; it came accompanied by a little pressure in the chest and a lump in her throat. She knew the feeling; she had felt it so many times during those years "Could I talk to her?"

"Mmm.. let me ask her" Shelby said, less enthusiastic than before.

Quinn waited patiently while Shelby talked to her daughter. She didn't hear anything for a couple of minutes and she thought that maybe they had hanged up the phone when she heard noises again.

"Hello?" a little voice asked and Quinn's heart raced. God she had missed that voice.

"Hi Beth, it's Quinn"

"I know"

"How are you?"

"Mmm I'm fine" Beth answered. She sounded almost uncomfortable and it hurt.

"What've you been doing?". What a stupid question. Quinn wanted to face palmed herself.

"Not much. Going to school, taking singing lessons, babysitting Matt sometimes..." Beth listed and Quinn closed her eyes feeling incredibly sad. She remembered the times when the girl couldn't stop talking about nothing in particular and bit the inner side of her cheeks. "I'm having a birthday party this Friday. I'm turning twelve..."

"I know..." Quinn doubted that Beth heard her.

"Maybe you wanna come?" the girl said shyly.

Quinn opened her eyes. She tried her best to sound cheerful.

"Sure. What are you doing?"

"Mom and Rachel are closing my favorite Starbucks on the afternoon so my friends and I can have coffee and dance and sing karaoke" Beth sounded happy "Puck and aunt Britt and Kurt and Tana are coming too"

"Ok… Tell your mom to text me the address, ok?" Quinn pictured Beth nodding and smiled "and I'll see you on Friday, ok?"

Beth seemed to be doing some serious thought because she took her time before replying.

"Quinn… you're not disappearing again, aren't you?"

Quinn inhaled deeply and closed her fist, her nails leaving marks on her palm.

"No honey, I promise you I'll be there"

Beth sighed and whispered a _'bye'_ that Quinn almost didn't hear.

...

(Eight years ago)

It was a Sunday afternoon. Quinn had taken the first train to New York that Saturday to be with Beth and visit her friends, so there she was with Santana at the Berry-Hummel-Lopez loft enjoying the peace: Rachel was at some friend's house rehearsing for God knew what and Kurt was back in Lima visiting his family (and Blaine, obviously) so it was all quiet in the place.

They had Beth with them. Quinn had been trying to reconnect with her daughter for the last couple of months and Shelby had only recently agreed that she could see her. So they met every weekend; sometimes it was just Quinn going to Shelby's place to watch a movie, sometimes Puck and her took Beth to the theater or to the park, sometimes she took Beth to some Mc Donald's or something like that. But there were other times when Shelby allowed her to took Beth for the whole weekend, so Quinn and the girl spend two days in Santana's place, watching movies, being lazy and drawing. When Rachel was at home they sang a lot and when there was Kurt they staged faked fashion shows in the living room. She could help Beth with her school homework, put her to bed to sleep and cook her breakfast the next morning. That were the days Quinn enjoyed the most.

So there they were. Beth was lying on the carpet drawing with the pencils Quinn had bought to her a couple of weeks ago. Quinn thought the little girl was quite an artist, but maybe that was just her mother's pride talking. Santana was sitting next to Beth, asking her what she was doing and admiring her job. Quinn couldn't help but chuckling: they were both adorable. Quinn had found herself thinking that kind of thing a lot lately. She loved the way Santana smiled at Beth when nobody else was there watching her, the way her nose crinkled when she laughed too hard, the way she talked to the little girl like she was the most interesting person in the entire world. She loved the fact that Santana loved her kid almost as much as she did.

"Why are you laughing about blondie?" Santana said raising her head to look at her. Quinn was sitting on the couch reading some texts for the literature exam she had the following week.

"Nothing" Santana kept looking at her accusingly so Quinn continued, rolling her eyes "I've never picture you like a children-lover type, that's all"

"First of all, I'm not a children-lover. I just like Beth 'cause she's the smartest and cutest girl ever" Quinn chuckled one more time and Santana glared at her, but when she spoke again she sounded amazed "And second of all, you should see her paintings, they are so cool!"

Quinn raised an eyebrow at her and Santana turned to Beth, who was totally concentrated on her work.

"She doesn't get us" Santana said to the girl.

"Nu-nop" the girl answered absent-mindedly.

"See?" Santana said turning back to Quinn, a huge smile on her lips "Best. Kid. Ever"

Quinn laughed and returned to her reading.

It was almost eight in the night. Santana and Quinn were cooking dinner before taking Beth back at her place and the girl was sitting at the table trying to finish her homework. It seemed to be quite difficult because she kept frowning and massaging her temple like a grown up even if she was just four.

"She looks like you" Santana said to Quinn standing next to her and looking at the little girl sitting a few feet away from them.

"You think?" Quinn asked and Santana nodded "She acts like Puck most of the time. It's scaring"

"Maybe she does, but she had your hair and your eyes and she is all cutie when she's worried, just as you are"

Quinn felt her cheeks blushing and saw Santana smirked out of the corner of her eyes. She shook her head trying to compose herself and looked at Beth.

"Beth, sweetie, what are you doing? Do you need any help?"

Beth looked at them.

"Yes, please! I don't know how to do this stupid family tree"

"Beth, stupid is not a good word" Quinn admonished her, walking to her followed by Santana. Beth was just four, she shouldn't have been talking like that. That was Puck's influence, she was sure. But she could understand the girl's frustration; her family was so particular, no wonder why she was in trouble.

"Sorry… But it's so difficult! The teacher said that we can include everyone we considerer family and you're so many people! I don't even know where to begin with"

In the kitchen some pot started to make noise and Quinn turned her head to see what was happening. She wanted to help Beth but she didn't know where to begin with either. Her parents, her sister, were they Beth's family? Was _she_ Beth's family? Santana saw her worried face and sat next to Beth.

"You go check on the food and I help little B here" she said to Quinn.

Quinn smiled thankfully at her and headed back to the kitchen.

"I don't know why you only use the first letters of our names. We don't have long names, you know" Quinn said to her.

"It's like my personal mark. Among other things" Santana winked at her and Quinn laughed "So lets see…" Santana turned to Beth, who was waiting for her attention "I think that the first thing we have to do is a list" the girl nodded "Who are the people you wanna put on your family tree?"

Beth stared at the paper thoughtfully before speaking again.

"Ummm there's mom" she began and Santana started making notes "And Rachel. Mom said that Rach is her daughter too so it kind of make her my sister, right?"

"Yeah. You have a very annoying sister" Santana said matter-of-factly and Beth laughed.

"And then is Pucky-Puck" Beth continued and both Santana and Quinn smiled. Beth had been calling Puck _'Pucky-Puck'_ as some kind of replacement for "Daddy Puck" and it was funny "And Puck's mom. I met her last summer. I like her" Santana nodded and wrote down Puck's mom's name.

Quinn tensed up in the kitchen. Was she the next one on Beth's list? Puck had been in touch with the girl since that year that Shelby had been teaching at McKinley but Quinn was a new person in her life. Would she be a part of her daughter's family tree?

"What more kiddo?" Santana asked sweetly, somehow sensing Quinn's nervousness.

"And then there's mommy Q" Quinn released the breath she didn't know she was holding and Santana smiled.

"That's another annoying person" she teased the blonde. Quinn felt so happy that she didn't even complain. Then she recalled what Beth's words had been and frown.

"Wait… 'mommy _Q_'? Santana that's totally your fault!" she exclaimed from the kitchen "I have a name, you know"

"But it sound so good that way!" Santana defended herself, winking at Beth, who laughed "See? She likes how it sounds, so we'll keep it that way"

"You're unbearable" Quinn said and Santana laughed.

"And can we put aunt Britt and uncle Kurt and you too?" Beth asked suddenly.

Santana looked at the girl, confusing written all over her face.

"And why me kiddo?"  
"Well, we're with mommy Quinn all the time and I'm here with you almost all weekends and you read me books when I can't sleep so you're like a second.. no, like a third mommy to me too" Beth explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Quinn smiled contented; she could see how badly Santana was fighting the urge to kiss the girl.

"I don't know which is everybody's opinion here, but I think you have too many mommies" Santana laughed poking Beth's nose. The kid laughed too and Quinn watched them, smiling widely.

"Can I be the spoiler one?" Santana asked "I'll always want a kid to spoil"

"Yes silly" Beth laughed and they highed-five. Quinn laughed and went back to her cooking.

...

(Present)

Quinn spent the whole week trying to find the courage to go to Beth's party. I mean… Quinn _was_ going to Beth's party, she just tried to find a way to not freak out and to be cool about it. She didn't find it, though, so she spent the days trying to keep herself busy instead. She checked liked a hundred apartments until she found the one for her and signed the contract. All the others had been too big or too small or too dark or too old or too brand new. She hadn't liked their walls and their floors and their ceilings and their stairs and she even rejected one because she found the elevator quite too noisy for her liking. She knew that she was just making excuses and that her real problem was that she remembered way too well the place she had shared with Santana and nothing compared with it. On Thursday she had almost given up when a little apartment with one room and a spacious living room appeared. The windows were big enough to let the morning sunshine in and the neighbours seemed quiet enough to let her work in peace. She was a freelance writer so she really needed serenity in order to do her job.

She was moving into the apartment the following week so she spent the rest of that day doing some furniture shopping. That night she stayed up as long as she could, watching movies and reading in her hotel bedroom, until she founded impossible to stay awake a minute longer. As soon as her head touched the pillow she fell asleep. That had been her plan; she didn't want to be awake in bed and think.

She received a lot of texts from Rachel those days but she just ignored them all, as she had been doing for the last four years. Her cell was full of unanswered messages from the diva; the oldest was from four years ago but she hadn't erased them, she didn't know why.

_"Quinn, San is so upset. Where did you go?"_

_"Quinn, are you ok?"_

_"Girl please write to me, would you? Write to San too, she's dead worried"_

_"Beth's asking about you, what should I tell her?"_

_"Ok, I get it, you don't want to be found. Your mum told us you're travelling. Be safe. I love you"_

_"Wherever you are, happy birthday Quinn! Best wishes to you. I've tried calling you but you're not picking up so please call me when you have a chance, k? Loviu so much!"_

_"I've e-mailed you. Hope you write back"_

_"Hey girl, happy happy birthday! I still miss you, you know. I hope you have a great year . Kisses honey"_

_"Maybe Shelby have told you, Beth's so grown up! She's joined the soccer team, today was her first game, you should have seen her! I didn't yell that much cause I had to protect my voice but I was so proud of her!"_

_"It just occurs to me that maybe you've change your number. Silly me"_

_"Nop. Your mom said it's still the same ;)"_

_"Happy brithd Q! I still love you even when you're ignoring me this much. It's that difficult to reply one text? or an email! C'mon. Anyways, hope you're happy. You deserve it."_

_"We're having a glee club reunion next month, send you the invitation. Hope you're ok"_

_"Quinn are you coming to the reunion? Everybody's asking for you"_

_"We missed you tonight"_

_"Quinn did you talk to S?"_

_"She told me she met with you but refused to say anything else. What happened?"_

_"Ok, you can't keep being like this. You're not 16 anymore, you know? You really need to grow up. Both of you. PS: I'll find out what you two spoke eventually"_

Quinn smiled sadly at that last text but didn't answer either.

The Friday dawned rainy and cold. Quinn stayed in bed until noon and then entertain herself in the Internet until it was time to go to Beth's party. Shelby had texted her that the party started at three in the afternoon but Quinn only headed there around four. She didn't want to arrive too early and be noticed; she was kind of hoping she could just sneak in. She wore her favourite dark jeans and a white blouse with a black cardigan over it, took her bag, her umbrella and Beth's present (she didn't knew what kind of things a twelve-years-old girl would like so she brought her a plain purple skirt) and went out in the rain. She arrived at the Starbuck's at exactly four fifteen. A polite young woman was sitting at the door and asked for her name before letting her in.

Inside was warm and full of people, the sound of voices and laughter mixed with a soft pop music. There were purple balloons everywhere and Quinn smiled at herself because it seemed that she had chosen the skirt colour right. Four or five waiters served coffee and cupcakes to the guests. In the middle of the place there was a large table where a bunch of girls were chatting and laughing. Quinn used to know some of Beth's friends but that was a long time ago, she couldn't recognize any of the faces now. Maybe Beth had changed friends when she had started middle school but she couldn't know it. There were so many things she had missed and just couldn't know.

As soon and Quinn saw the blonde head sitting in the middle of the main table she forgot about everything else. Beth was sat with her back to Quinn but the woman just knew it, it was her. She couldn't be anyone else, she felt it. She stayed there watching at her talking with her friends and laughing because someone said something funny to her. She was so grown up… Her long blonde hair was tied in a perfect braid and she was wearing light blue jeans and a tight black T-shirt that contrasted with her pale skin. She was a lot like a sporty girl and nothing like a cheerleader; she didn't seem to have any of the arrogance and the haughtiness that all McKinley cheerleaders had have, included herself, and instead she seem a pretty free and cheerful young girl.

With a sigh she started looking around again. She was still next to the door but out of the waiters way, standing next to the purple curtains that covered the Starbucks big windows, so no one had noticed her yet. She saw a bunch of boys running around and she recognized them as Rachel, Tina and Brittany's kids. Rachel had sent her the potos a couple of years ago but there was no doubt about it. There were some adults that she didn't recognize and Quinn supposed they must have been Shelby's friends or the parents of Beth's friends. She spotted Shelby standing near a little stage, talking with Rachel, John and Brittany's husband and she felt a pang of nostalgia in the chest. She could have had all that, she could have been one of those people talking comfortably with each other, laughing and making jokes while their kids played around them. Instead she had decided to leave all that life behind because she had been fucking scared of not been good enough so there she was, standing in the corner, looking how they had become one big family. She felt so out of place there and she had no one to blame for that but herself.

She kept looking around looking for the only one person that could make her as nervous as Beth could but she couldn't find her. She discovered Brittany sat at a table talking to a red-headed she had never seen before and she wondered if the blonde would had already forgiven her for hurting Santana… she knew Rachel and Kurt somehow respected her choice even if they thought she had made a mistake but Britt was different. She was passionate and loved Santana with all her heart. When someone hurt the Latina she just turned into offensive mode; Quinn had lots of lost calls from Britt from four year ago and one simple message: _"I can't believe you Quinn. Maybe you didn't deserve her as I thought you did"._ Quinn didn't know how Brittany would react when she saw her but she expected maybe a hug or a little smile. She felt already bad and guilty and broken, she didn't know if she could deal with Brittany's indifference or hostility even when she knew she deserve it. But Quinn couldn't entertain herself with that thoughts any longer because some movement in the opposite side of the room called her attention.

It was Santana.

The brunette was wearing blue jeans and a red and blue gingham shirt that suited her perfectly. She had a little blonde girl on her arms and seemed to be singing to her because the kid was moving her head to the rhythm and giggling happily. Quinn's heart twitched with pain but she inhaled deeply trying to control her emotions. It had been so long, why was she hurting while seeing Santana carrying a little girl that looked like it could have been _their_ girl? She had made a choice, Jesus. She didn't had the right to be feeling that way.

It turned out that Santana was walking to Britt's table. Suddenly Quinn figured out that the red-headed must have been her girlfriend and her heart hurt a little more when she saw Santana leaning towards the girl to kiss her gentle on the temple, a smile on her lips, Brittany smiling at them sweetly. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. She was strong enough, surely she could act like she was just fine for a couple of hour. Just two hours, she told to herself, for Beth, and then she was allowed to go to her hotel room and cry her heart out if necessary.

From the distance she saw Rachel approaching Santana and saying something on her ear. The Latina gave the child to Brittany and followed Rachel to the stage. As soon as both women had their microphones on their hands they turned to Beth.

"Hello everybody!" Rachel greeted through the microphone "As Beth, the birthday girl, has requested, we're inaugurating the karaoke time!" everybody clapped and Beth got up waving her hand looking around her. "Sooooo" Rachel continued and the noises calmed down "Santana and I are singing one of our favourites songs of all times. We dedicate it to you honey honey"

Santana winked at Beth as the music started playing and Quinn recognized the melody instantly. It was an old Phillip Phillips song that Rachel and Santana used to sing all the time while doing the cleaning at the loft. The blonde smiled at the memory, trying hard not to think of the way Santana used to hug her from behind when they were near each other.

(Rachel)

_When life leaves you high and dry_

_I'll be at your door tonight_

_If you need help, if you need help._

_I'll shut down the city lights,_

_I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe_

_To make you well, to make you well_

..

(Santana)

_When enemies are at your door_

_I'll carry you away from war_

_If you need help, if you need help._

_Your hope dangling by a string_

_I'll share in your suffering_

_To make you well, to make you well._

..

_Give me reasons to believe_

_That you would do the same for me._

..

(Both)

_And I would do it for you, for you._

_Baby, I'm not moving on_

_I love you long after you're gone._

_For you, for you._

_You will never sleep alone._

_I love you long after you're gone_

_And long after you're gone, gone, gone._

..

The song continued after the first chorus but Quinn wasn't listening anymore. Santana had spotted her standing there and was looking right into her eyes while Rachel was singing her part. She felt paralysed, the warm she used to felt every time Santana sang to her coming back to her. But at the same time she felt a lump on her throat and the pressure on her chest was almost unbearable; she wanted to cry so badly. Did Santana sing to Sally now the way she used to sing to Quinn? The Latina's eyes were magnetic but Quinn couldn't stand Santana's gaze anymore; she managed to close her eyes and stayed that way until the song was finished. Everybody was clapping and cheering excitedly but Quinn Heard them like they were miles away. She opened her eyes when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder and found a familiar guy smiling friendly at her.

"I knew you would come back"

**...**

**I hope it's not confusing. One fragment is the present and one is the past, and they're separated with "..." at the end. I don't know how to make it simpler... ****This chap was all Quinn's POV, and I'm thinking that maybe next could be Beth's, but I'm not sure. What do you think about it?**

**UPDATE: As someone suggested, I wrote "present" and "eight years ago" as time marks at the beginning of each fragment. The past fragments are not memories, neither Santana or Quinn are remembering those things, that's just me telling two stories at the same time. Hopefully they will become one at the end :)**

**I'm sorry it took me so long to update! I was studying hard 'cause I had a very important final exam. I passed so I'm back! I also apologize for all my grammar and spelling mistakes, I re-read the first two chapters and found a lot of them! English it's not my natural language but I'm doing my best. Thanks for all the comments and favs and follows! You have no idea how happy they make me :) :) :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Never Stop - Chapter 4**

**Quinn's POV**

(Present)

"I knew you would come back" Puck told her with a smile and a squeeze on her shoulder and for the first time since she arrived to New York Quinn felt like she was really at home. He had always had that effect on her: his smile was always sincere and his eyes shone with love and understanding when he looked at her, his arms always felt like a safe place to go when everything else seemed wrong, included Santana. He had always been the father, the brother and the friend she needed so badly. It wasn't different this time: he looked at her like he had always had and that made Quinn feel like maybe she could face Beth's birthday party and survive after all. She smiled thankfully and leaned in when he opened his arms, her eyes closed, inhaling his scent and relaxing into his hold.

"Are you ok Quinn?" Puck asked her softly still holding her tightly and Quinn shook her head because she wasn't. She felt like she was about to cry but she wouldn't allow herself to do that, not in that place. She opened her eyes and saw Santana on the other side of the room looking emotionless directly at her. But Quinn knew better; she knew it was just a facade and that killed her. Brittany was holding Santana's hand, her gaze unreadable "Everything's gonna be ok Q. I'm so glad you're back, we really really missed you" Puck kissed the top of her head and let her go "Let's say hello to the birthday girl"

He smiled widely, took her umbrella and hold her right hand so Quinn followed him holding his hand with all her strength. Her knuckles began to turn white tightening the gift she carried in her left hand and she buried her nails on Puck's palm. She felt her legs shaking and her heart pounding inside her chest. She wouldn't be surprised if she died of a heart attack right there.

The birthday table was the noisiest of all so they could heard the conversations even when they were still far from them.

"Hey B your dad's here!" one of the girls shouted excitedly.

"My God, he's so hot, I wish I have a dad like him" another one said in what was supposed to be a whisper.

"I wish I have a _boyfriend_ like him" a third girl said and Quinn couldn't help but chuckled. How old were they, twelve? Was she like that at that age? She couldn't remember but she probably wasn't. She had never had talked about boys that way and now she understood why.

"Hey!" Beth protested "He's my dad, ok? You're not allow to talk 'bout him that way. Jesus!"

Quinn noticed that Beth sounded a lot like Santana and her heart twisted a little. Would Beth sound like her if she would had stayed around?

"B... he's with a woman?" a girl said confused when they were almost at the table and that got Beth attention. She turned around and fixed her eyes on Quinn's. Quinn felt paralysed, she hadn't seen Beth's eyes for so long. It was like staring into a mirror, hazel eyes matching hazel eyes perfectly.

"Hi Beth" Quinn managed to say quietly, letting go of Puck's hand "Happy birthday" she extended the present that she was still holding. Beth got up from her chair and stood in front of her without a word. She was still looking directly into her eyes with an expression Quinn couldn't read and the woman was starting to feel anxious. She could feel everyone's eyes on them.

Like it was slow motion, Beth took Quinn's present and smiled almost imperceptibly without opening it or taking her eyes away from Quinn.

"Thanks Quinn" she said before adding quietly "I didn't think you would come..."

It wasn't an accusation or a reproach but it still felt like one and Quinn's chest hurt a little more.

"I told you I would" Quinn whispered. If Beth didn't believe her… she didn't think she could live with that. But she had thought she couldn't live without Santana either and there she was, still alive and breathing. So maybe she could get used to losing Beth too. That was the saddest thought ever; Quinn bit the inner wall of her cheek and wish she had something to do with her hands.

Puck sensed the tension between the two blondes and stroked Quinn's back before said happily to Beth "Hey kiddo!"

Beth turned her head to look at Puck and all her face brightened.

"Hey Pucky-Puck!" she threw herself into his arms and he hold her tightly for a second.

"How are you doing?"

"The party's great! Did you hear Tana and Rach singing to me?" Puck nodded "You have to sing too!" Puck frowned and Beth frowned at him in return "Man, it's kind of the idea of the karaoke! However... those girls over there want you to get us some fake IDs to go out this weekend and I told them that that's gonna get you in trouble with Shelby".

"You all are so much worse than my high school classmates" Puck laughed "I can't get you fake IDs 'cause I don't want your mum killing me but maybe I can arrange a private dance party at my bar next weekend, what do you think?"

All the girls clapped happily and Beth highed-five him.

"You're the best" she laughed, going back to her chair still holding Quinn's present.

"I know I am" he winked to the girls who were still looking at him and then turned to Quinn "Someone is waiting for you there" he said with a warm smile.

Quinn turned around and found Rachel standing a feet away from her.

"I'm gonna hug you know. It's gonna be quick, so don't panic" the little diva said with a smile fixed on her lips. Quinn couldn't help but smile too and melt into Rachel's arms. Maybe she was really at home.

The party went almost okey after that. Rachel led Quinn to Shelby and the older woman was friendly enough to make her feel like any other guest, nothing more but nothing less either, which was a good thing given the circumstances. The little diva introduced her to some women as '_Quinn, an old friend of the Corcoran family'_ and the blonde smiled politely each time, ignoring the pain she felt every time Rachel said that. After the introductions she choose a table near the stage, sat down and looked at Beth from the distance. She seemed to be having fun and Quinn smiled every time the girl seemed exasperated about something: Quinn could recognize those times because Beth would frown and make big gestures with her hands and pout. She was cute.

Rachel and Brittany's husbands joined her at her table at one point; they knew each other from before her leaving New York. They asked her for her trip and for her job and made some small talk that Quinn really appreciated. The men introduced her to their boys when they run near enough to the table and every kid kissed her on the cheek sweetly. They had been already born when Quinn had left the city but they were so little that they didn't remember her. She found out that the little girl Santana was carrying earlier was Brittany and Andrew's younger child, and Santana's goddaughter. Neither Brittany nor Santana approached her and Quinn didn't try to go and talk to them. She didn't want to push her luck.

She was alone looking at Beth, who was discussing with her friends and Rachel about something when she felt someone sitting next to her. She turned her head and found the red-headed woman. Sally. Santana's girlfriend. Her stomach twitched but she kept her calm expression. She was an expert on that matter.

"Hey" the girl said with smile "Nobody introduced us. I'm Sally"

"Quinn" the blonde smiled mechanically, "Nice to meet you" she forced herself to say. Her mother had taught her how to be a polite and correct woman and the habits were writen on her on fire.

They reminded silent, both watching at Beth's table. The argument seemed to keep going.

"They want Beth to sing but she doesn't want to" Sally said out of the blue and Quinn looked at her. Sally didn't turn to her when she added "She doesn't like to sing and she said she has a horrible voice"

"Nonsense" Quinn said shaking her head slightly, remembering the time when Santana, Rachel, Kurt, Beth and her used to have karaoke's night at the Hummel-Berry loft "Her voice it's beautiful"

"That's what Rach is saying but Beth's stubborn"

"_Just like I am"_ Quinn thought but she simply nodded.

"You should sing too" Sally said looking at her. She wasn't smiling anymore but she still sounded friendly "I heard you sing on tape. You have a very sweet voice"

Quinn didn't know what to make of that comment. She chose not to overanalyze it and instead started playing with the nearest paper napkin.

"I haven't sung in years" she said like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. She had always felt like she was baring her soul every time she sang, she didn't want to put herself in that situation, not in there anyways.

"Maybe if you sing, Beth would sing too" Sally tried again and Quinn felt a little irritated. What was that woman trying? Why was she talking to her so friendly, like she wasn't her ex's girlfriend? She seemed a good girl, she didn't want to hate her, not if Santana like her (she refused to use the word '_love'_ because the simple idea hurt her so much), but she was pushing her. Quinn inhaled trying to compose herself before speaking again.

"Look Sally, I know that you're just trying to be friendly here but..."

"I know, I'm sorry, I was just saying..." Sally got up "It was nice talking to you"

Quinn sighed frustrated and watched her leave.

...

**Quinn's POV**

(Eight years ago)

It was a beautiful Thursday noon in New Heaven. The sun was high and shining, the campus was full of voices and birds singing and the weather was perfectly warm. Quinn was in her English Literature class looking distractedly through the window, thinking in Santana and Beth, who were waiting for her in New York City. It felt so good, knowing that a couple of hours away from her were two people who waited for her excitedly. Two people who wanted to be with her. She felt so loved she couldn't help smiling at the thought. She shook her head slightly trying to focus back on her class but before she could catch up on what the professor was saying her phone buzzing caught her attention. She took it out of her bag and checked the ID. An incoming call from Santana.

Quinn looked at the door biting her bottom lip. It was rude leaving the classroom in the middle of a class but Santana knew her schedule and _never_ called during them. So it must have been important. Trying to be as quiet as possible she got up and reached the corridor, ignoring the annoyed looks and accepting the call in her way.

"San, is everything ok?" she asked worried.

"Hi Quinn!" a bubbly voice said to her and Quinn smiled at the sound of Beth's voice. Beth calling her, that was a rare thing. Usually it was Quinn who called the little girl a couple of times a week, before she went to bed. They used to talk about their days and Quinn always finished the calls promising that they would see each other on Saturday morning. That calls were the best of Quinn's weekdays, apart from skyping with Santana.

"Hi sweety! how are you?" Quinn asked her, already knowing the answer.

"Today we shared our family trees with our classmates" Beth started explaining.

"Yeah…" the blonde said, encouraging the little girl to continue. She knew how much Beth had been working on that homework. After Beth and Santana had made the list of everyone included on the tree, the both of them had been working almost a week on it. The teacher had said that the tree could be anything they wanted so Santana had came up with the idea of doing something like a solar system, with a lot of colourful ball circling around a big shiny ball that represented Beth. Beth had painted her big ball with a bright purple tone and had chosen everybody's colours according to their personalities, she had said: shiny grey for Puck, bright red for Santana, pink for Rachel, bright blue for Kurt, scarlet for Shelby, intense green for Brittany and light yellow for Quinn. The result had been original and beautiful; Beth had showed it proudly to Quinn the previous weekend, on her last trip to the city.

"And mine was the biggest!" Beth exclaimed.

"I could imagine" Quinn laughed, sitting on the floor with her back on the wall. She was in one of Yale's buildings, the corridors full of people, wearing a sunny dress, but she couldn't care less. At that moment everything she registered was her daughter on the other end of the line, talking excitedly to her. The rest of the world just disappeared to her. Beth was giggling happily.

"And the teacher said I had the strangest family and that my tree was the most beautiful of all" she concluded.

"That's great honey! I'm so proud of you" Quinn said. She was. Her cheeks hurt because all the smiling.

"Thanks mommy Q" Beth said and Quinn felt her heart jumping with happiness inside her chest. She absolutely loved when she heard the little girl calling her that, she couldn't express it in words. Quinn laughed and Beth giggled a little more "I've to go, mommy Tana want to talk to you"

"Ok baby… I'll see you soon" Quinn said and added "I love you"

"Bye! I love you too" Beth said back and Quinn heart jumped a little more. She heard fade voices and then the raspy voice of Santana.

"Hey gorgeous" Santana said to her and the sound of her voice made Quinn smile again.

"Hey…" she said somehow shyly. Santana had that effect on her and it was worse each time. Quinn had already figured it out: she was falling for Santana, she wa falling hard, and she couldn't do anything to stop it. It scared the hell out of her.

"I'm sorry we called you in the middle of your Lit class but Beth was so excited. I don't know how to say 'no' to this kiddo" Santana explained.

"It's ok, I wasn't paying attention anyways" Quinn confessed.

"Wow, Quinn Fabray was daydreaming in class?" Santana said and Quinn chuckled "I thought you were the responsible one of our promotion but I guess I was wrong. Have to see that"

"Haha, pretty funny" Quinn mocked her.

"Hey…" Santana begun "Are you coming to NY this weekend?"

"Yeap"

"Good" the Latina said gladly and Quinn smirked even when Santana couldn't see her.

"Someone is willing to see me?"

"Maybe" Santana said shyly and Quinn felt her cheeks burn "So… I let you go back to class. Talk to you later Q" Santana made a pause and Quinn waited, still sat on the corridor floor "I love you"

Quinn inhaled and whispered "I love you" back before ending the call.

...

(Present)

Quinn was heading to the bathroom when she heard voices coming from inside it.

"Why did you go talk to her?" Santana voice asked annoyed and Quinn froze in her place. She didn't want to interrupted and she didn't want to overheard neither but she couldn't help it so she stood there, trying to figure out why the Latina sounded so pissed off.

"Well, you didn't introduce us so I thought I could go and introduced myself" Quinn heard Sally defending herself. So they were talking about her…

"But why, Sally?" Santana said exasperated. Quinn could hear Santana pacing around the bathroom, her heels making noises against the tiled floor and Quinn just knew that Sally was a better person than she was, or at least an easier one. Even when Santana had been really pissed off, she had never pushed Quinn with accusations or requests because she knew that Quinn's response to that was raising her walls and shutting her out. Santana never yelled at Quinn because if she did, Quinn wouldn't talk to her; sometimes they couldn't talk either even if Santana had been nice and patient.

"Ok, you need to calm down San. You heard Rach, she's moving back here so you'll have to find the way to deal with it, 'cause we're running into her a lot from now on" Sally said, angry herself.

"Don't you think I know that!?" the Latina almost yelled.

"Hon, come on, don't yell at me. How is this my fault?" Sally asked and Quinn bit her lip at the endearment term.

They stayed silent for a moment before Santana spoke again.

"It's not. I'm sorry Sal, I'm just… I don't know" Santana said quietly and Quinn decided that it was enough. She inhaled deeply trying to regain some confidence and walked into the bathroom with determination, like she hadn't heard a word. As soon as she opened the door she saw Santana and Sally releasing each other from their hug.

"I'll wait for you at the table" Sally said Santana, kissing her softly on the cheek before she left the bathroom, leaving the two ex cheerios alone.

"Hi Santana" Quinn said quietly "Can I call you that?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that scene at the coffee shop... Rachel said that I behave like a sixteen-years-old and maybe she's right" Santana said, massaging her temple. Quinn knew the brunette was about to have a horrible headache, she always had one after a fight or a stressful situation, but it wasn't her place to do anything about it anymore. Quinn sighed and a tiny sad smile appeared in her lips.

"She said the same thing to me"

Santana smiled a little and they remained silent for a moment before she spoke.

"Beth wasn't sure you were showing up today" Santana said, moving her left foot nervously and Quinn figured out that she was trying to make some conversation even when it was awkward.

"I told her I would come… I guess she didn't trust me anymore" Quinn said sadly.

Santana only nodded. Her phone beeped and she read the message.

"I'm sorry, that's Kurt, he's just arrived with our present" Quinn looked at her confused so Santana continued "Rachel is taking Beth with her to the Tonys this june so we made a dress for her. She was so excited when Rach asked her to be her plus one".

Quinn smiled sincerely and Santana smiled too.

"I've to go" Santana said after a few seconds of silence and Quinn nodded.

"Hey San" the blonde said finally when Santana was almost at the door. The brunette looked at her questioningly "Are you happy I'm back?"

She had been thinking about it all week. Everybody said that they were glad she was back: Rachel, Puck, Beth, Shelby, John, Andrew… She had to know if Santana was too, she needed it. She braced herself for the answer.

Santana sighed.

"I don't know Q… But it's good to see you again"

Quinn nodded and the brunette left the bathroom. They didn't talk again that day.

...

(Eight years ago)

Beth was incredibly restless that weekend. On Saturday afternoon Quinn and Santana had taken her to the zoo and at night they had gone to the theater to see the last of Rachel's play. They had gone to bed late that night and woken up early the following morning but on Sunday afternoon the kid still had enough energy to run around Central Park, making impossible for the women to keep up with her. The day was gorgeous, like it had been all week, so Santana and Quinn were camping on the grass, chatting, eating sandwiches and drinking juice while the little blonde played around them with the kids that were there with their families.

It was around three in the afternoon and Quinn was getting sleepy so she was laid down, her head on Santana lap. The brunette was listening to music on her iPad, watching Beth, her left hand caressing Quinn's arm unknowingly. Quinn's skin felt electrified. She remembered that night at Shue's non-wedding, Santana's hands running over her naked body and she felt out of breath. She didn't know what to do with her feelings anymore. She wanted Santana's body, she couldn't denied it, but she wanted so much more. She wanted her arms around her, all her smiles and the little kisses the brunette used to give to Brittany when they were surrounded by people. That hotel night they hadn't kissed. Quinn had mentioned it and Santana only had said _"Kissing involves feelings Q. We are just two drunken girls". _Too bad she didn't felt like a drunken girl anymore, things would be so much easier that way.

"Hey San…." Quinn begun, looking at Santana's beautiful features from below. Santana took her earphones off and looked at her "I'm sorry for dragging you around all weekend, every week. You don't have to spend all your free days with us, you know"

Santana smiled at her and poked her nose sweetly.

"I know, but I love spending my weekends with my girls" she said, still stroking Quinn's arm, drawing invisible circles on her skin.

"Are we your girls?" Quinn asked quietly. Her heart was racing, her skin covered with goosebumps, her throat dry.

"I know Beth is…" Santana whispered. Quinn sat and faced Santana, who was looking at her adoringly and scared at the same time "Are you?"

Quinn nodded and when Santana leaned in to kiss her nose Quinn cupped the Latina's cheeks and kissed her lips instead. She just couldn't help it. It was just a little sweet kiss that lasted a couple of seconds but it meant the world for Quinn. She smiled into the kiss before moving away. The butterflies on her stomach were flying like crazy and she felt a tingling on her arms and legs. Santana's lips were soft and perfect, just like all of her was.

"So…" Santana said doubtfully.

"Kissing involves feelings, S" was all Quinn could answer and Santana smiled, kissing her again, with a little more force this time. The Latina bit Quinn's lower lip and the blonde moaned into her mouth before pushing her away again, a big smile fixed on her lips.

"How can you be so damn cute?" the brunette said tucking a strand of blonde hair behind Quinn's ear and Quinn laughed.

"I don't know" Quinn joked and melt into Santana's hug.

...

(Present)

Beth called Quinn on Saturday night asking her if they could meet on Sunday afternoon and Quinn said yes, so there they were, taking a walk on Central Park. Quinn had picked her up a while after lunch; they had bought a couple of coffees at Starbucks and drove to the park to spend the day outdoors. The day was sunny and warm, the park was full of families and couples and happy dogs and she was there with her daughter. Back in New York city, where there was everything she cared about. That place kept a lot of memories from their happy times and it hurt like hell walking around it when all of those good things had vanished but it had been Beth's choice and Quinn couldn't say no to her. She wondered if Beth remembered anything of those times. She wished she did.

They walked in silence for a while until Beth decided to start the conversation.

"I didn't tell you, I love your present" Beth told her, looking at her from the corner of her eye "I've loved every one of the presents you've sent me for the last four years. Shelby had to hide the yellow dress you gave me once because I kept using it even when it didn't fit me anymore"

Quinn didn't know what to say so she just kept walking with her eyes fixed in the distance.

"Purple it's my favourite colour" Beth added. Quinn could notice Beth was trying to have a decent conversation with her and she wasn't helping so she forced herself to talk.

"I knew you liked it when you were a kid but I didn't know if you like it now... Still I thought it would suit on you. Then as soon as I entered your birthday's party I knew I had made a good choice" she said with a smile and Beth chuckled.

"Rach was the one who supervised the decoration. I think she exaggerated a little"

"Yeah, she does that" Quinn said smiling at the memories.

Beth laughed and Quinn felt herself relaxing a little.

"One time we went to the cinema and she bought us two extra large popcorns 'cause she said I loved it and one wouldn't be enough. Of course it was a waste" Beth laughed "Not even with dad we eat that much popcorn"

Quinn allowed herself to laugh too even when Beth's words were dancing painfully inside her head. Beth still called Puck _'dad'_ but she hadn't called her _'mom'_ when she had seen her at her party. Had Quinn lost the right to be called that?

"I love movies" Beth continued, taking Quinn out of her thoughts, and Quinn didn't know if she had missed some part of the conversation.

"I remember" Quinn said. She did; she used to take Beth to the theatre every weekend when she was little. They had seen every Disney movie, Pixar movie and Dreamworks movie together.

"I used to go to the movies with Tana every Sat night but then she got too busy and sometimes we have to skip our date" Beth explained to her and Quinn wondered if Santana had kept seeing Beth every weekend after she had left "And Puck works on Sat nights so I don't go to the movies that often now…"

"I'm sorry I wasn't around" Quinn said sincerely. Beth shrugged her shoulders but Quinn could see she wasn't ok "I…"

"It's ok Quinn" Beth said. She breathed deeply and continued "One day Shelby told me you wouldn't pick me up anymore 'cause you were busy. Tana stopped seeing me too. She called me and said that you had left town on business and that she was sad and she couldn't meet me. I remembered I said that maybe a hug could help" Beth remembered, her eyes looking forward "But after a month or two she came to my house one Saturday and took me to my favourite ice-cream shop. She said to me that you had had to leave and that you were ok. That you loved me and that you would talk to me when you have a chance" Quinn's heart broke a little more with every word she heard but she didn't say anything. She put her hands on the back pockets of her jeans and kept listening "I don't know if she knew you would write but a couple of weeks after that I received your first Christmas card"

"I'm so so so sorry Beth…" Quinn managed to say. She wanted to cry but she wouldn't.

"I just wanted to know…" Beth asked quietly after a while "Was it my fault? You leaving, I mean…"

Quinn heart broke completely.

"Honey..." she said trying her best to sound reassuring. She stopped on her tracks and Beth stopped too and looked at her "You were and are the most important thing in my life and me leaving had nothing to do with something you could have done. It was just me being scared and selfish and such a mess of a person" Quinn looked away and continued "San and I… she wanted things I couldn't give her and instead of talking about it I run away… I… I thought she would better without me…"

"But… what about me?" Beth asked so quietly Quinn almost didn't hear her.

Quinn closed her eyes tightly trying to prevent the tears for falling.

"I wasn't thinking…" she inhaled deeply and bit her bottom lip "I'm so stupid…"

"Tana says we're not stupid, just special" Beth whispered and Quinn opened her eyes to look at her. Her eyes looked sadder than ever and Quinn hugged her for the first time in four years. She locked her fingers in the blonde locks of her daughter hair and kissed her head.

"I missed so much... I love you Beth" she whispered.

Beth didn't say it back but hugged her too, so tightly. And that was all Quinn really needed.

**...**

**This chap is a little shorter than the rest but I reeeeaally wanted to update. I think I'm going back to San's POV the next chapter. **

**Thanks for all the reviews and the follows and the favs! You make me so incredibly happy guys :) Have a beautiful week!**


End file.
